7 Things I Never Did Before Becoming A Parent

I has been less than two years since I have become a parent.  I have learned so much in these 20ish months about a lot of important things.  I have also realized that I do a lot of random, minor things as a parent that I never would do before.  I guess Justin Beiber was right about one thing. Never say never. Let me give you some examples.

1. Park next to the cart rack.  At the grocery store I never parked next to the shopping carts because I always wanted to avoid door dings.  But when you have a baby or toddler you either don't want to carry them back to the car or you don't want to attempt to make them hold hands and walk because that rarely works and they go limp and you're either dragging your child because a line of cars is waiting or you're picking them up while they are screaming and shoving them into your car like you're a kidnapper.  (Don't act like I'm the only one this happens to.)  So for me, its best to just park next to the cart rack.
2. Use the drive-thru.  This might seem weird but I'm kind of anti-drive-thru.  I personally don't think it's much faster for food and they are more likely to mess up your order.  Also, I like to go inside to the bank to build relationships.  But with a little boy that likes to run and climb and throw a quick trip to the bank or restaurant can be quite the adventure.  So much so that I find myself going out of the way to go to the drive-thru.
3. Consider the food I order.  Fortunately we aren't quite at the stage where our one year old needs his own meal.  Consequently, Katy and I make sure to order food that he would like so he can have some of ours.  So I have to ease up on the spicy foods, sushi, and beef/steak for foods that are easy on baby teeth and tongue.  
4. Drink and eat after someone.  I'm an only child so I'm not the best at sharing, especially when it comes to food and drinks.  And by sharing I mean drinking out of the same straw and eating with the same fork.  It sounds gross and I never did it before becoming a parent but it seems like a daily occurrence these days.  As it turns out, it hasn't done much damage to me.
5. Celebrate bodily functions.  I'm not very modest, but I can certainly say that I have been more excited and cheered more for wet diapers, dirty diapers, and productive coughs and sneezes than I ever have before.  It's a sign that all systems are go and toxins are leaving the body.  What's not to celebrate!?!
6. Dance.  I hate dancing.  Not that I'm against it or think its bad or think its pointless.  I hate dancing because I'm not good at it. I might actually like dancing but I'm so bad at it that it makes me hate it. This white boy has no rhythm.  But my son hears music and loves to dance and I love to watch him do it.  So therefore, I dance my heart out.  
7. Not be bothered by crying babies.  Before I had a child I was so annoyed when someone would have a crying baby in church, at a wedding, in the movie, etc...  But I didn't know what it was like.  Now that I know, I completely understand.  I understand that you get tired of spending so much time in the lobby or you know they've had a rough morning/day so you don't want to send them to the nursery.  So now when I hear a crying baby, I kind of grin.  Not because I'm twisted but because it reminds me of what it was/is like.

I'm sure there are more but those are what come to mind.  What do you do now as a parent that you never thought you would?

"I do it! I do it!"

"I do it! I do it!" "Noooo! Self. Self."

Phrases such as these are often heard around our house these days.  As our son gets closer to the two year mark (the teachable twos we'll call it), my wife and I are beginning to see that we are raising a strong willed child.


Although he still needs help with many things like getting dressed, bathing, changing his own diapers, etc... he makes it very clear that he does not need help getting in and out of the car, using the stairs, buckling into his seat, opening doors, or using utensils such as a pencil, fork, or bat.  In fact, if we try to help him with any of these tasks he kind of has a meltdown....minus the kind of.

The more I see this behavior and the more I think about it, the more I realize that even as a 30 year old man I do the same thing.  Now I don't go around having meltdowns saying "I do it! I do it!".  But I do sometimes have that attitude internally.  When someone tries to help me with something, whether it be a friend, family member, co-worker, or stranger, my first reaction is always "No thanks. I got this."  I can sometimes take offense and think "What, you don't think I can do this on my own?".  These are unnecessary thoughts, especially because those that are trying to help typically have great intentions.  Just like I have great intentions of just wanting to help my son.

As we get older and more "mature" I wonder if we grow out of this or just learn how to hide our feelings and emotions better.  Whatever the case, as I teach my son the correct way to respond to someone offering help, God is teaching and/or reminding me the correct way to respond when I need help.

As a teacher, I found that I learned more about my subject area in my first year of teaching than in my 4 years of college.  Likewise, I'm finding that the more I try to teach my son, the more I learn about myself in the process.

The Joy of Giving

Merry Christmas!

This was my 2nd Christmas as a Dad but the first with a child that kind of understands the concept of gifts.  And by understands I mean he likes to play with things.  If you know Beau, you know that there are 3 things he likes right now: Basketball, Mickey, and tents.  I say tents because that is what we got him, but he just likes to crawl into, under, around, and on top of things.

He already had Mickey Mouse that was given to him a while ago but he just discovered it a week or so ago so we got him a basketball goal that sticks to the refrigerator and a play tent.  I didn't know how he would react since he is only 17 months old but I would say that it went over well.  Check out the one minute video below and see what you think. :)

He had a similar reaction to his mini basketball goal but my phone ran out of memory.  Rookie mistake I know.

I've always enjoyed Christmas, giving and receiving gifts.  However, as a Father there is something different, something special about watching your child open gifts.  Seeing Beau excited about the gifts I strategically picked out for him filled me with Joy, probably even more than him, even though he had a better reaction.  I've always heard that it is better to give than receive and I have felt that before but this time it was much more real.  (It was also cool because gift giving is not exactly my love language.  I'm actually not very good at it.  If you want to find out what your love language is click here.)

Those 2 gifts combined cost $20 but his reaction was priceless.  We are certainly taking advantage of the cheap gifts now because we know the teenage years of Beats Headphones, iPhones, laptops, or whatever else they will have invented by then are coming.

When have you experienced the Joy of Giving?

Cheating Destroys Character

I recently had the privilege of attending the Freshmen Leadership Retreat with some of the best students at my school.  It was refreshing getting to know some of the current and future leaders of our school.  The purpose of the day is to develop leadership skills.  They do this by team building, playing games, an having learning sessions throughout the day.

The great part about these crazy games is that they often bring out character traits and provide quick teaching moments.  For example, the students were playing that game with the hula hoop where you're holding hands and have to pass it around a circle by going through it.  (Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about because everyone has played that game!)

Even though these were some of the best students in the school, one group did the unthinkable.

Energy is Half Contagious

One of the many things my wife and I learned while working at Pine Cove Camps is that energy and enthusiasm are contagious.  However, they are only half contagious. This means that if you are at 50% energy level, your campers (students, followers, employees, etc) will only be at  25%.

So if you're giving 100%, the people your are trying to energize will increase their enthusiasm to about 50%.  I can see you doing the math and you're right no leader wants followers only giving 50%.  So what do you do?

Standard Greeting @ Pine Cove :)

You guessed it, give more than 100%!  I know it seems impossible to do but think of it this way:  100% is normal energy level.  The status quo.  100% is regular.  It's average.  As a leader, if your max effort is average, the vast majority of your followers are going to be below average.

Which is why if you go to Pine Cove Camps, you'll find everyone that works there is over the top.  Absolutely bonkers!  Crazy with seemingly unending energy! They know because they are taught that if they want camper energy to be at 100%, they have to be at 200%.  How do they get there?  The camp director, program director, and leadership team are all maxing out at 400%!


This same principle carries over into parenting as well.

Many people comment that our son Beau smiles all the time, which is totally true.  We could get into the nature vs nurture debate and I certainly agree that babies are born with particular demeanors.  However I think Beau smiles so much because we make a conscious effort to slap on the biggest grin every time we see him.  Katy and I smile, laugh, and over the top celebrate as much as possible because we believe in the principle that energy is 1/2 contagious.

Where did we learn that you ask?  From the wife of one of the directors at Pine Cove Camps! :)

By the way...so excited about heading back to Pine Cove this year.  We get to experience the camper side of things at The Woods Family Camp!

Diaper Rash Remedies

Facebook is a powerful tool!  Sure you can waste a lot of time playing games, creeping on people, or arguing with someone's friend that you don't know about something that doesn't really matter. (guilty of each and am now in remission)  But facebook can also be a powerful tool to help you in times of need.  

For example, yesterday Katy and I woke up to find out our son Beau had a diaper rash.  Talk about out of nowhere!  So of course I did what any parent would do, I googled "Diaper Rash Remedies".  I found a ton of information, so much that I didn't know where to start.  So I decided to ask the masses on Facebook.  The great thing about asking questions like this on Facebook is you get real answers that have actually worked for people you know.  Answers on Google are probably good but you never know if they are being promoted.  

So I asked, What are your diaper rash remedies? I was blown away as around 40 people responded with a remedy that worked for them!  Impressive!!  

Here is what worked for us;

Letting Your Child Fall

Our 8 month old son Beau is EVERYWHERE!  He is crawling, rolling, and pulling up to everything that he is able to...even the toilet.  If we take our eyes off of him for a few seconds he is in, on, or under something, or in a different room.  He is quite the adventurer and has scratches, bumps, bruises, and black eyes to prove it.

Because of his curiosity and desire to explore, we know that he is going to get hurt.  As we watch him pull up on something we have a pretty good idea if he is going to fall or not.  Sometimes we catch him and redirect him but sometimes we let him fall.  It hurts us to watch him fall, get hurt, and cry but it is a part of the learning and growing process.  As hard as it is to watch him hurt, it brings is joy to watch him learn from his hurts and make better decisions the next time.  Even at 8 months he is learning from his mistakes.  

As new parents, we are trying to find the balance between protecting him and letting him learn from his experiences.  We haven't found a specific formula for knowing when to help and when to let him fall, just playing it by ear and open to ideas.  

As I process this concept, I can't help but think that this is the same thing that God goes through with us.  He is watching us and has more than just a pretty good idea if we are going to fall or not.  Sometimes He catches and redirects us and sometimes He lets us fall.  And as much as it pains Him to watch us, it brings Him joy to watch us learn and grow and make better decisions the next time.  

This has helped me understand the concept of how God could "allow" bad things to happen in the world.  More than ever, I'm thankful for the times that God chose not to catch or redirect me away from pain, hurt, and heartbreak.  I wouldn't be where I am today without that learning and growing in times of hurt.  And while my wife and I are still finding the balance between knowing when to help our son and when to let him fall, we will definitely be there to encourage, hold, hug, and love him unconditionally throughout the entire process.

Good Prevails!

By now everyone has heard of the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut.  A man killed 26 students and educators at an elementary school.  You can learn more about it on any local news station or news website.  This tragedy has sparked a lot of thoughts and reflection.  Here are some of mine.

Evil exists.  There is evil in the world.  I can't think of an act more evil than killing innocent children. Some will blame the school.  Others will blame the parents of the shooter.  Some are already calling for more gun control.  Fingers will be pointed at video games and violent media.  All of these may be contributing factors but only evil actually goes through with something this...well...evil.

I can't always protect my family from evil.  As a husband and father I consider it my duty and pleasure to protect my family.  I will always do my best but I can't physically be there 24/7 and you don't always know when evil is going to show up.  I am learning that there is a lot I must put in God's hands and simply trust and obey.

Good prevails.  The news will continue to cover this tragedy and all of the sadness that goes along with it.  Newscasters and even President Obama fought back tears as they covered this story and gave speeches.  What you may not see is the millions of children that were held closer and tighter this weekend.  Parents realizing that in the midst of their busy schedules they need to carve out more time to spend with their children.  

I have no intention of making light of this devastating situation and I do not have an explanation or answers.  26 families are experiencing unfathomable loss and a community is broken and hurting.  Yet at the same time millions of families across the nation and possibly the world will become closer because of this tragedy.  My hope is that each parent that hears of this tragedy will be reminded of the preciousness of life and cherish each moment with their children.  My hope is that children will feel more loved starting this weekend than they have in their entire lives and it will carry on and even grow for years to come.  My hope is that friends, families, community organizations, and churches will join together and support one another during this extreme time of need.  

If you don't live in or around Newtown, Connecticut, there may not be able to directly help in this situation.  I've never met any of the families and don't even know their names.  But I bet if we were to ask the families of those that lost loved ones how we can help, my guess is their answers would look something like this.

Be present with your kids.  Attend their games, concerts, and recitals.  Eat dinner around the table as a family.  Schedule one day each week to wake up a little early and take them out to breakfast.  Ask them about their day and actually make them tell you.

Watch less TV and go to the local park or play some board games.  Tuck your kids in at night and pray for them and with them.  Tell them how much you love them and how proud you are of them.  Hug them tightly and frequently because you never know when it could be the last time.

I don't think their first comments would surround gun control, school safety or media violence.  I think they would say the best way we can help is to be present with our children, love them unconditionally, appreciate their unique gifts, and cherish each and every moment.  

Evil exists.  It just does and we can't always protect our families from it.  But as long as we love unconditionally, lean on one another, support our neighbor, pray for our enemies and their families, and learn from tragedy good will always prevail.  

I pray that this tragedy changes millions of people for the better and causes millions of families to re-prioritize what is most important in their lives.

How will your family be different after this tragedy?

Back to the Basics

In the movie Hoosiers, the new basketball coach of Milan High School has some interesting strategies.  The first few days of practice Coach Dale (Gene Hackman) has his players practice without the ball.  This is strange if you think about it and it even looks funny in the movie as players run around without the main object needed to play the game.

After Coach Dale feels like the players have that down, he allows them to use the ball but does not allow them to shoot.  Again, this seems a little odd as the goal of basketball is to put the ball in the basket more than the other team.  

Although his tactics were uncommon, Coach Dale simply believed in developing strong fundamentals.

There are some restaurants that have a unique philosophy when to comes to training their staff.  Everyone that works there must begin by bussing tables.  Cooks, hosts, servers, and managers all start by cleaning tables and washing dishes.  

Upper Management believes this approach gives all staff a better understanding of how the restaurant works, increasing communication, teamwork and a sense of pride.

As a new Dad, I've noticed that God's coaching tactics and management are similar when it comes to parenting.  Our sons and daughters all arrive with the same basic needs of food, shelter, love and diaper changing.  They come into the world with crying as their only form of communication and although one could argue, it takes a while for them to be able to express love back.

It's as if God developed this system to reinforce what he wants from us in the world.  If only we would clue in and go back to the basics of whole heartedly serving others and expecting nothing in return. When we get that down, we can then build on that foundation and learn some new skills or take on a new role.  

I don't know about you, but I have some more practicing to do.  

6 Thoughts On Being A New Dad

Today is Beau Bradley's 3 month birthday!  What an amazing adventure it has been so far.  He has nearly doubled his weight, gone through over 1,300 diapers (seriously...we are keeping track), peed and pooped all over multiple people (sorry about that), grown out of dozens of clothes, found his hands, rolled over, cried himself to sleep, figured out how to talk (aka make random noises), and smiles at anyone who will talk to him.  I must admit that it's been much more enjoyable than I expected.

People often ask me what I think about being a Dad.  It is one of those questions that I have so many answers to that I often don't know which one to pick, causing me to simply answer, "Its good."  So let me pick a few.

Here are 6 answers to the question, "Hey Brett, what it's like being a Dad?"

1. I'm enjoying it earlier than I expected.  Don't get me wrong, I knew I would enjoy fatherhood but I didn't think I really would until Beau was able to walk and talk.  To my surprise, we have already learned how to communicate with each other and even though we can't run around and play catch we still have fun and play together everyday.  (Mostly just making faces and noises, rolling around on my chest, playing tug of war, and trying to make him laugh.)

2. It's expensive.  After you get past the hospital bills, you pretty much get nickeled and dimed (and sometimes "Benjamined") on a weekly basis.  Diapers, wipes, bottles, clothes, safety stuff, and toys add up very quickly.  Formula is ridiculously expensive!  When it comes to minor medical supplies just know that if its for a baby its probably double the price for less than half of the product.  Borrow, share, and use hand me downs as much as you can!

3. It's exhausting.  When I am home alone with Beau I thought I would be able to just sit him next to me while I read or do some work on my computer.  Wrong!  I've learned even 3 month old babies rarely just sit there and do nothing.  And in the moments that they do, you have to clean and fill the bottles, take out the never ending trash, restock diapers and wipes, or just sit and take a break!  Not to mention all the other stuff that my wife does like the laundry, food production, cleaning, and countless things that I don't even know about.  Being a parent is a constant job and I'm so thankful for the greatest tag-team partner in my wife Katy.

4. It has caused me to reevaluate and re-prioritize.   There are so many things that I used to do that I don't do anymore.  For example, I was pretty social media savvy using facebook and Twitter on the regular.  I may go days or even weeks without checking them, other than to post a picture for my family to see.  It has caused me to put things at work into perspective and truly ask myself what I think should be the best use of my time.  This is an ongoing process and I have just begun.

5. I am now able to experience love in a whole new way.  That statement is somewhat self explanatory but I'll elaborate on this more in a future post.

6. Five years of marriage was the right amount of time to wait before having a baby.  I'm not trying to persuade you to make certain decisions but for Katy and I, 5 years was the perfect amount of time.  We were able to build a solid family foundation consisting of faith, love, trust, memories, experiences, finances, and support systems.  Would we have been able to make it if we had a baby sooner?  I'm sure we would have made it.  If we would have waited a few more years I'm sure that would have been just fine too.  But 5 years (almost to the day) is what we needed for our family.  You and your family may ideally require more or less time than that.

Happy 3 month Birthday Beau Bradley!  I'm excited for the months, years, decades, and even seconds to come!

How did you feel when you became a new parent?

Tough Times

My three month old son had a rough night last night.  We are very fortunate that he is a happy baby, but he sure wasn't very happy last night while he was screaming his lungs out.  We aren't exactly sure what caused these piercing screams but most likely it was some sort of gas bubble or other tummy troubles.  Needless to say he was definitely in pain.

As his Father, I wanted so bad to help him as he was crying for help but there was nothing I could do in that moment to make things better.  His three month old mind may have even wondered how I could have let this happen to him and been mad at me for not making it go away. All I could do was hold him in my arms and say, "It's okay Beau.  Daddy's got you.  You're going to make it."  while he got through the pain.

Sometimes I think that's how God feels.  We all deal with our own version of pain and as His children I would have to imagine that He hates to see us crying out during difficult times.  And as much as we think He can or should do something about it I think God is there saying, "It's okay Brett.  I've got you.  You're going to make it."

People often wonder why bad things happen to good/innocent people and I don't have the answer.  What I do know is that God never promised that we would not face tough times.  He promised that we would never face tough times alone!  

Whatever it is you're going through, remember that you're not alone.  Cry it out in God's arms.  You're going to make it!

What Do You Reward?

What gets rewarded gets repeated.  

I don't know the official author of that quote but I heard it in one of Andy Stanley's Leadership Podcasts so I will give the credit to him.  (By the way, if you're remotely interested in leadership this podcast is the best in the business.)

This is true at work as bosses reward their employees for meeting or exceeding expectations.
This is true in the classroom as teachers reward students for exceptional work and behavior.
This is true at home as parents reward their children for obedience and responsibility.

Unfortunately it has become much easier for us to punish for the poor outcomes, behavior, disobedience, and irresponsibility.  Don't get me wrong, there is certainly a place for punishment, reprimanding, and discipline but the problem arises when we focus on the wrong things more than we focus on the right things. 

What gets rewarded gets repeated. 

Rewarding doesn't have to mean giving people lots of money, trips, benefits, or awards (although if you have the ability it would be nice.)  Rewarding can simply mean acknowledging met or exceeded expectations.  This can be done with a sincere thank you, public or private recognition, words of encouragement, or other creative ideas.


What gets rewarded gets repeated.  What are you going to reward today?