Bumps & Bruises

I'm learning a lot from my six month old son.  He has recently learned to move from one place to another.  Whether it be an army crawl, real crawl, or series of rolls he can get wherever he wants to go. He rarely likes to be out in the open.  Beau can usually be found under a table or chair, climbing up and over boxes, and if he is on the bed or couch he quickly finds his way to the edge.

I've noticed that my six month old son is FEARLESS!  If we would let him, Beau would do some pretty dangerous stuff without even thinking about it.  He hasn't learned what it means to play it safe.  He doesn't weigh the pros and cons.  His what ifs look different than mine.  Rather than what if I fall he thinks what if I get on top of the coffee table?  It's not what if I hit my head it's what if I find out whats on the other side of this couch/bed/box.

As adults our what ifs slowly begin to change and we quickly begin to play it safe.  There is good to that and I know my wife and I need to teach our son how to be safe and not get hurt.  But hopefully not at the expense of creating fear.  Not at the expense of losing curiosity.  There has to be a way to balance safety and adventure.

The truth is sometimes Beau falls over and bumps his head and he cries.  Sometimes he gets stuck and gets frustrated.  And sometimes he gets hurt and sometimes he cries but that is how you and I learn.

Maybe I need to worry less about experiencing pain and more about learning to live life.  There will be bumps and bruises of all kinds.  But with each pain there is a story.  There is an adventure.  There is learning and growing.  And most importantly there is life.

Beau, you and I have a lot more learning to do with each other.  Here's to living and learning!

Good Prevails!

By now everyone has heard of the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut.  A man killed 26 students and educators at an elementary school.  You can learn more about it on any local news station or news website.  This tragedy has sparked a lot of thoughts and reflection.  Here are some of mine.

Evil exists.  There is evil in the world.  I can't think of an act more evil than killing innocent children. Some will blame the school.  Others will blame the parents of the shooter.  Some are already calling for more gun control.  Fingers will be pointed at video games and violent media.  All of these may be contributing factors but only evil actually goes through with something this...well...evil.

I can't always protect my family from evil.  As a husband and father I consider it my duty and pleasure to protect my family.  I will always do my best but I can't physically be there 24/7 and you don't always know when evil is going to show up.  I am learning that there is a lot I must put in God's hands and simply trust and obey.

Good prevails.  The news will continue to cover this tragedy and all of the sadness that goes along with it.  Newscasters and even President Obama fought back tears as they covered this story and gave speeches.  What you may not see is the millions of children that were held closer and tighter this weekend.  Parents realizing that in the midst of their busy schedules they need to carve out more time to spend with their children.  

I have no intention of making light of this devastating situation and I do not have an explanation or answers.  26 families are experiencing unfathomable loss and a community is broken and hurting.  Yet at the same time millions of families across the nation and possibly the world will become closer because of this tragedy.  My hope is that each parent that hears of this tragedy will be reminded of the preciousness of life and cherish each moment with their children.  My hope is that children will feel more loved starting this weekend than they have in their entire lives and it will carry on and even grow for years to come.  My hope is that friends, families, community organizations, and churches will join together and support one another during this extreme time of need.  

If you don't live in or around Newtown, Connecticut, there may not be able to directly help in this situation.  I've never met any of the families and don't even know their names.  But I bet if we were to ask the families of those that lost loved ones how we can help, my guess is their answers would look something like this.

Be present with your kids.  Attend their games, concerts, and recitals.  Eat dinner around the table as a family.  Schedule one day each week to wake up a little early and take them out to breakfast.  Ask them about their day and actually make them tell you.

Watch less TV and go to the local park or play some board games.  Tuck your kids in at night and pray for them and with them.  Tell them how much you love them and how proud you are of them.  Hug them tightly and frequently because you never know when it could be the last time.

I don't think their first comments would surround gun control, school safety or media violence.  I think they would say the best way we can help is to be present with our children, love them unconditionally, appreciate their unique gifts, and cherish each and every moment.  

Evil exists.  It just does and we can't always protect our families from it.  But as long as we love unconditionally, lean on one another, support our neighbor, pray for our enemies and their families, and learn from tragedy good will always prevail.  

I pray that this tragedy changes millions of people for the better and causes millions of families to re-prioritize what is most important in their lives.

How will your family be different after this tragedy?

Love Doesn't Keep Score

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

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As new parents, my wife and I change LOTS of diapers.  Approximately 100 diapers a week! Our son is a peeing machine and he absolutely hates wet diapers.  Whether they are dirty or just wet (more like drenched)  it is easy to want to keep score and think, I changed the last 5 so now it's your turn!

The same could be said for the washing of bottles.  I mean he only eats 6 bottles a day but it seems like bottle washing is never ending.  After a long day's work to come home to a sink filled with bottles I have to fight my first reaction of I just cleaned these bottles yesterday and the 37 days before that!  It's someone else's turn!

I forget.  I forget that Love doesn't keep score.  I forget that Love changes all the diapers in the world because I have the privilege of having a healthy child.  I forget that Love washes bottles every single time because it's to feed a healthy growing boy and help out an amazing Mom that produces the milk that goes in the bottles.

Love doesn't keep track of how many times you take the trash out, vacuum, fold laundry, cook dinner, or wash the car.  Love doesn't point out who makes more, works more, or does more.  Love just does.  Love helps.  Love serves without expecting anything in return.

It is very hard for me not to keep score but now I do it differently.  Now I play to win.  My wife doesn't know that we are playing but I try to see who can change the most diapers, who can wash the most bottles, and who can serve more.  Even though she doesn't know I'm keeping score or that we are even playing, she is still winning!  But in the grand scheme of things there is a lot of time left in the game so I predict a comeback!

Love never fails...we do.  Stop keeping score.  Love doesn't do that.  Make an effort to help and serve as much as you can without expecting anything in return.  



This is the sixth blog post in a series titled Love Never Fails.  This series is based on the premise that Love never fails but we as humans do.  If you haven't already please check out the previous 5 posts on Love by clicking on "Love Never Fails" on the left side of the screen or simply scroll down to view previous posts.  Although this is the sixth post in this series, this topic sparked the entire series.

Back to the Basics

In the movie Hoosiers, the new basketball coach of Milan High School has some interesting strategies.  The first few days of practice Coach Dale (Gene Hackman) has his players practice without the ball.  This is strange if you think about it and it even looks funny in the movie as players run around without the main object needed to play the game.

After Coach Dale feels like the players have that down, he allows them to use the ball but does not allow them to shoot.  Again, this seems a little odd as the goal of basketball is to put the ball in the basket more than the other team.  

Although his tactics were uncommon, Coach Dale simply believed in developing strong fundamentals.

There are some restaurants that have a unique philosophy when to comes to training their staff.  Everyone that works there must begin by bussing tables.  Cooks, hosts, servers, and managers all start by cleaning tables and washing dishes.  

Upper Management believes this approach gives all staff a better understanding of how the restaurant works, increasing communication, teamwork and a sense of pride.

As a new Dad, I've noticed that God's coaching tactics and management are similar when it comes to parenting.  Our sons and daughters all arrive with the same basic needs of food, shelter, love and diaper changing.  They come into the world with crying as their only form of communication and although one could argue, it takes a while for them to be able to express love back.

It's as if God developed this system to reinforce what he wants from us in the world.  If only we would clue in and go back to the basics of whole heartedly serving others and expecting nothing in return. When we get that down, we can then build on that foundation and learn some new skills or take on a new role.  

I don't know about you, but I have some more practicing to do.  

Love Does Not Envy

This is the third post in a series titled Love Never Fails.  The series is based on the scripture about love in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13.  It is based on the premise that although we have all been heartbroken, lonely, used and abused by people that "love" us, love never actually fails...humans do.  We are the ones that fail because we do not properly and fully love.

Envy is defined as a resentful emotion that occurs when a person lacks another's quality, achievement, or possession and wishes the other lacked it.

After reading that definition it is clear that not only is it true that Love does not envy, it is impossible to both Love and be envious at the same time.  We cannot have a resentful emotion and love at the same time.  We cannot wish that someone else did not have a certain possession, quality, or achievement while still truly loving them.  After all, envy is one of the seven deadly sins (yes it is a sin) and the 10th commandment.

People often confuse admiration and envy as they start out very similar.  If you admire someone you notice a quality that you like.  Perhaps you admire someone's car, clothes, physique, or personality trait.   This is completely normal and I hope that you have people in your life that you admire or look up to.  I believe it is necessary for personal growth.

However, if you're not careful that admiration can quickly turn into envy.  The person that you admired you begin to resent.  You may still admire their physique but you hope they gain some weight because if you can't have the body you want, no one should.  The positive personality you once admired in someone you now wish to make their life miserable because if you aren't happy then you don't want them happy either.

Here is what it can look like in a marriage or serious relationship. You're glad that your husband loves his job.  You wish you loved yours.  After a while, you get sick and tired of how happy he is and what difference he is making while you come home every day lacking purpose and feeling miserable.  Eventually you don't want to hear another word about his stupid fulfilling job because if you hate your job, he should hate his to!

Your wife is a stay at home Mom.  You both decided it was best for your kids so you picked up some extra shifts and/or responsibilities at work to make this financially possible.  After a while, you become envious of your wife's relationship with your kids.  You resent the fact that she gets to stay at home while you are off working extra hard at your job, so much so that you want her to go back to work because if you can't be home and have a great relationship with your kids then she shouldn't get to either!

Or it could even look like this.  Your wife becomes envious of another lady's body.  It bothers her so much that she is determined to look better than her so she joins a gym and begins fanatically working out and going health crazy.  She now works out twice a day and eats like a rabbit for the sole purpose of looking better than this particular lady, putting your marriage and kids on the back burner.  The same can be said of a husband chasing the success of a fellow businessman.

No one would choose to feel this way towards someone that you love.  Envy is not a desirable trait.  But somehow it creeps in over time and if you're not careful, it will keep you from being able to fully love your spouse.  I wonder how many marriages have ended in divorce because of envy?

How do I know if I'm envious?  Well that's a great question and although it is easy to spot in others, it is very hard to see in the mirror.  Start by answering these few questions.

1.  Is there someone that is successful that I want to fail?
2.  Is there someone with a positive trait that I secretly wish they would lose?
3.  In what areas of life am I unhappy?  Am I okay with others being happy in these areas?

If you answered yes to even one of these questions chances are envy is creeping in your heart.

So what can I do about it?  Here are 2 ways to attack envy.

1. Ask God to reveal to you which situations and people you may be the source of your envy.
2.  Pray specifically for those people and the qualities you are envious of on a daily basis.  (It is difficult to wish ill will upon someone you are praying for.)

Do not let envy creep into your marriage or any area of your life.  Love never fails...we do.  Do not fail your spouse or kids and give love a bad name because you allowed yourself to be overcome with envy.

If you found the post helpful or know someone who would please like it on facebook, retweet it on Twitter, or share it with a friend.  Thanks for reading!

6 Thoughts On Being A New Dad

Today is Beau Bradley's 3 month birthday!  What an amazing adventure it has been so far.  He has nearly doubled his weight, gone through over 1,300 diapers (seriously...we are keeping track), peed and pooped all over multiple people (sorry about that), grown out of dozens of clothes, found his hands, rolled over, cried himself to sleep, figured out how to talk (aka make random noises), and smiles at anyone who will talk to him.  I must admit that it's been much more enjoyable than I expected.

People often ask me what I think about being a Dad.  It is one of those questions that I have so many answers to that I often don't know which one to pick, causing me to simply answer, "Its good."  So let me pick a few.

Here are 6 answers to the question, "Hey Brett, what it's like being a Dad?"

1. I'm enjoying it earlier than I expected.  Don't get me wrong, I knew I would enjoy fatherhood but I didn't think I really would until Beau was able to walk and talk.  To my surprise, we have already learned how to communicate with each other and even though we can't run around and play catch we still have fun and play together everyday.  (Mostly just making faces and noises, rolling around on my chest, playing tug of war, and trying to make him laugh.)

2. It's expensive.  After you get past the hospital bills, you pretty much get nickeled and dimed (and sometimes "Benjamined") on a weekly basis.  Diapers, wipes, bottles, clothes, safety stuff, and toys add up very quickly.  Formula is ridiculously expensive!  When it comes to minor medical supplies just know that if its for a baby its probably double the price for less than half of the product.  Borrow, share, and use hand me downs as much as you can!

3. It's exhausting.  When I am home alone with Beau I thought I would be able to just sit him next to me while I read or do some work on my computer.  Wrong!  I've learned even 3 month old babies rarely just sit there and do nothing.  And in the moments that they do, you have to clean and fill the bottles, take out the never ending trash, restock diapers and wipes, or just sit and take a break!  Not to mention all the other stuff that my wife does like the laundry, food production, cleaning, and countless things that I don't even know about.  Being a parent is a constant job and I'm so thankful for the greatest tag-team partner in my wife Katy.

4. It has caused me to reevaluate and re-prioritize.   There are so many things that I used to do that I don't do anymore.  For example, I was pretty social media savvy using facebook and Twitter on the regular.  I may go days or even weeks without checking them, other than to post a picture for my family to see.  It has caused me to put things at work into perspective and truly ask myself what I think should be the best use of my time.  This is an ongoing process and I have just begun.

5. I am now able to experience love in a whole new way.  That statement is somewhat self explanatory but I'll elaborate on this more in a future post.

6. Five years of marriage was the right amount of time to wait before having a baby.  I'm not trying to persuade you to make certain decisions but for Katy and I, 5 years was the perfect amount of time.  We were able to build a solid family foundation consisting of faith, love, trust, memories, experiences, finances, and support systems.  Would we have been able to make it if we had a baby sooner?  I'm sure we would have made it.  If we would have waited a few more years I'm sure that would have been just fine too.  But 5 years (almost to the day) is what we needed for our family.  You and your family may ideally require more or less time than that.

Happy 3 month Birthday Beau Bradley!  I'm excited for the months, years, decades, and even seconds to come!

How did you feel when you became a new parent?

Tough Times

My three month old son had a rough night last night.  We are very fortunate that he is a happy baby, but he sure wasn't very happy last night while he was screaming his lungs out.  We aren't exactly sure what caused these piercing screams but most likely it was some sort of gas bubble or other tummy troubles.  Needless to say he was definitely in pain.

As his Father, I wanted so bad to help him as he was crying for help but there was nothing I could do in that moment to make things better.  His three month old mind may have even wondered how I could have let this happen to him and been mad at me for not making it go away. All I could do was hold him in my arms and say, "It's okay Beau.  Daddy's got you.  You're going to make it."  while he got through the pain.

Sometimes I think that's how God feels.  We all deal with our own version of pain and as His children I would have to imagine that He hates to see us crying out during difficult times.  And as much as we think He can or should do something about it I think God is there saying, "It's okay Brett.  I've got you.  You're going to make it."

People often wonder why bad things happen to good/innocent people and I don't have the answer.  What I do know is that God never promised that we would not face tough times.  He promised that we would never face tough times alone!  

Whatever it is you're going through, remember that you're not alone.  Cry it out in God's arms.  You're going to make it!

GET TO!

In the 6 weeks that I have been a father, there have been a couple of days that Beau has be my solely my responsibility.  One time Katy had a staph infection and another time she had a nasty stomach bug and we wanted to do everything in our power to make sure neither spread to our newborn son.  At first I would have said that I HAD to do everything but after experiencing those days I would say that I GOT to do everything.

On those days I was responsible for every diaper change, feeding, bottle washing, bath time, nap time, wardrobe change, and so much more that I don't even remember because it was such a blur.  Dads usually don't have this opportunity quite so early on.  Then throw on top of that the household chores such as laundry, dishes, cleaning, and cooking and you could say I caught a glimpse into the realm of motherhood and now have a greater understanding and appreciation of the constant care that goes into raising a newborn child.  

The reason I say I GOT to do those things is I was also there for every smile, coo, snuggle, funny face, new sound, crawling attempt, and so much more that I would not have missed for the world! Although I never would have picked these few days of flying solo, I am completely beyond blessed to have experienced them.  More than anything, it made me realize the importance of working together as a team on this parenting thing.  I refuse to passively leave it up to her like so many fathers do these days.

Dads, make the effort to find new ways to help your wife with the kids this week.  Any help will make a difference.  Teamwork makes the dream work!

Balance

I almost had it.  I felt like it was in my grasp.  After 29 years of life, 12 years of school, 4.5 years of college, 5 years of marriage, 6 years in the professional world, 2 years of graduate school, and lots of learning along the way I almost felt like my life was balanced.

When I speak of balance I mean the ability to have all of the aspects of life work in harmony with one another.  Routines, habits, work, worship, play, friends, family, exercise, hobbies, and all of the other side roles we play fall into place and work nicely with one another.  

And then we had a baby.  In our opinion, the cutest baby on the planet.  And once sweet little Beau Bradley came into our lives we were back out of balance, in the best way possible.  

Through prayer, reading books, listening to sermons, speaking with mentors, and listening to those with more experience, I'm learning to be unbalanced.  Or maybe I should say I'm learning to balance fewer things.  I'm learning to balance being a Husband, Father, & Educator and let everything else fall into place in one way or another.

I've been learning through many avenues how to let go.  I can only control so much and in the grand scheme of things I really don't have control of anything anyway.  

I know who holds tomorrow and I know it's never me.

Are you balanced?  Should you be?

Priorities

If you are a follower of this blog you aware that I haven't posted much in the past few months.  In fact, I stay about 3 days behind on my Twitter feed and I rarely even check facebook.  I've never been a social media addict but I do believe that it has the ability to enhance my life, in the form of learning, connecting, leading, and expressing.  

We have a new principal this year and this is video she showed us on the first day together as a faculty/staff.  It's a concept that I'm familiar with but I had not thought about it since becoming a father this summer.  Its an excellent illustration about creating priorities.  Take 6 minutes and see how you can apply this to your life.

What are your big rocks? Although I really enjoy them, apparently blogging and social media are no longer big rocks for me.  I still think both are important in my life, but there are other priorities that are higher on the list.

It's A...

This past week was our first ultrasound.  We were able to find out if we were having a boy or a girl.  First of all, can I just say that ultrasounds are unbelievable!  The first thing we noticed was the spine.  It was so clear and developed.  Baby Bradley was moving around a lot so we got to see both arms and legs, hands and feet, in full motion.  Thanks to some good advice, Katy at some fruit before going into the ultrasound which apparently gets the baby going.  We were even able to see the heartbeat and the 4 chambers of the heart.  Not only could we see the head but also parts of the brain.  It was crazy!!  And to think we were able to see all of this when the baby is only about 10 inches long.  All because of some ultra sound waves?  Whoever came up with that idea is pure genius.  

We decided ahead of time that we were going to find out if we were having a boy or a girl.  However, we also decided that we wanted to find out while we were alone and not with some random lady in the room. (although Molly was very nice)  So, we had a piece of paper that said "It's A..." inside of an envelope and gave it to the nurse so we could find out later that day.  She was very understanding and willing.  As you can see, we both wore blue and pink as not to show bias.

Immediately after the appointment, Katy and I went to a park that was right down the street from the hospital.  We were pretty excited and giddy.  It was a beautiful day so we walked around the small park for a minute and decided to stop and open the envelope on a bridge.  Just like we prayed together before taking and looking at the pregnancy test, we prayed before opening the envelope.  We thanked God for an opportunity to raise His son or daughter.  We prayed that our hearts would be 100% full of joy regardless of the baby's gender.  We prayed that we would be able to raise them to become world changers and leaders of their generation.  

So there we were on a bridge, in a park, with an envelope.  I have no idea why we were nervous but we were.  I felt like we were at the Grammy's and opening our envelope....which is weird because we truly believe we would have won regardless of the outcome.  I asked Katy if she wanted me to open the envelope fast or slow...you know like peeling off a band-aid.  She said fast.  So I took the little green envelope.  Opened it fast.  And it read "It's a...BOY!" 

A BOY!?!  Due to the Stewart and Bradley family track records we were both expecting it to be a girl.  Katy still can't believe it.  I've had a feeling that we were going to have a boy but it was just a feeling.  My brother in laws said congratulations but will only believe it's a boy when he is born.  I must say I don't blame them.  

After finding out, we celebrated by going to the mall and buying our first official baby outfit.  We were looking for something Nike but found this Jordan outfit instead.  We celebrated with dinner at PF Changs and then called all of our immediate family.  The were thoroughly excited!

Thanks again for all of your prayers.  We appreciate them more than you know!  We can now start saying he and him rather than it.  We are over half way there!

Now if we could only decide on a name.... 

Baby Bradley Update

It's been a few weeks since my last update on the pregnancy.  This is mainly because there hasn't been much change.  Thankfully, all has gone really well.  Since the last update, our last appointment went well.  Katy still says the heartbeat is so cute and I would have to agree.  The doctor is pleased with Katy's weight, blood, and pee.  (Hey, thats what they check every time.)

As for me, I still don't know how much it has truly hit me.  I mean I know that Katy is with child and I know I am the baby's daddy.  But other than trying to take extra care for Katy, my day to day life hasn't changed all that much.  I hear that it will become more real when we find out if we are having a boy or a girl.  

Speaking of which, we find out this week if we will be having a boy or a girl.  We are pretty excited to find out and we will honestly be excited either way.  If you know our families, you know that Katy 5 sisters and no brothers.  You also may know that Katy has 4 nieces and no nephews.  According to this, the odds of having a boy are slim.  Now I know what you're thinking, it's the guy that determines the gender of the baby.  Well if you know my family, you know that I am an only child and that even the girl to boy ratio amongst my cousins is dominated by girls.  Vegas would say 10-1 girl.

We are 51% hoping for a boy, as I am currently the last one to carry on the Bradley family name.  And I must admit it would be cool to teach a son important things like how to treat a girl, how to play sports, and how to pee standing up.  However, if we had a girl it would be cool that she would have 2 girl cousins within a year and 2 more within 4 years.  Most of all, we are praying for the opportunity to raise a Child of God that is a world changer and is a leader of their generation.  

It will become "Facebook Official" on Friday.  Those of you that follow on Twitter will find out Thursday night.  :)

Thank you so much for your prayers.  We believe they are making a difference!

Go Away!

My Baby Momma :)

As of this week Katy has been with child for 17 weeks.  Either her nausea is improving or she is learning to deal with it better.  Probably a little bit of both.  She is beginning to show in most of her clothes.  The more she begins to show, the more I am beginning to understand the reality of what is about to happen.

We are in the stage of our life where lots of our friends and family are having children.  In fact, within the past year, over 10 of our closest friends and family have had or will have a baby!  That is absurd.  Thankfully, we are able to ask them questions, observe, learn, and figure out how to best enjoy the next 5 months before Baby Bradley makes his/her grand entrance.  Most of the time, without even having to ask, new parents will tell you, "Enjoy your time while you can because once your baby arrives you don't have any more free time for the two of you."  Now I like challenges so I'm all about trying to figure out ways to have free time once our child arrives.  But for now, we are taking their collective advice and enjoying our time together while we can.  

Over the next few months, I have planned a few trips for Katy and I.  They are not outlandish, expensive, fancy, or even long.  The purpose of these trips is to get away, relax, make memories, and simply spend time together.  We are currently in Hot Springs, AR and have barely left our room.  We have been reading, playing games, working a puzzle, talking about our future, listening to parenting podcasts, walking around in nature, exploring downtown, drinking the famous spring water, etc.  Just enjoying our time together.  

Some might think, "I can do all of those things at home.  Why spend the gas and room money?"  Valid question.  I can only answer for us, but when we are at home there is always something else that we can do to keep us from fully enjoying our time together such as laundry, cleaning, home improvement, work, etc.  Although it is possible to relax at home, there is something extra-relaxing about getting away.  It doesn't have to be a beach, a mountain, a major city, or a cruise.  It doesn't have to be expensive (comparatively speaking...we brought our own food, entertainment, and only brought sweats, t-shirts, and hoodies to deter us from going to nice places).  The only requirement is to be away from distractions.  

As I said earlier, the more Katy's "baby bump" begins to show, the more I realize what is about to unfold.  As an expecting father, there isn't much I can do to directly help develop my child at this point.   What I can do is serve Katy by providing opportunities for us to deepen our relationship and strengthen our marriage so that when our world is turned upside down our foundation is extremely solid and we are as prepared as possible.  Husbands, as the leader of your family, purposely save up some money, strategically take a few days off, and make it a priority to get away with your wife to deepen your relationship and strengthen your marriage.

Although we haven't had a baby to be able to officially give the advice to others, after 2 nights I must say that this was an extremely wonderful decision.  Thank you to everyone who gave the advice of enjoying time together as a couple while we still can...or at least while it's easier.  

Gift From God

Katy is 14 weeks pregnant and we had our 2nd appointment this week for Baby Bradley.  The doctor went over the blood and other tests they took last time and it was all normal and healthy!  We also got to hear the baby's heartbeat!  It was pretty cool but I must admit not as cool as being able to see the sonogram at the first appointment.  The heartbeat did not sound like a normal heartbeat but more like a fast kick drum.   (Maybe a Grammy in the future?) 

We will have an ultrasound to find out the gender in a little over a month.  We debated on whether or not to find out early or just wait until the baby is born.  At first I wanted to wait because once you're holding that baby in your arms it wouldn't matter if it's a boy or a girl.  I have had friends and family that were slightly bummed when they found out they weren't having a boy and some when they weren't having a girl.  I've also had friends and family that are simply happy to be going home with a baby due to previous complications.

I don't want to feel disappointed so we are not planning for one or the other.
We are just excited for the opportunity to experience the love of God in a whole new way.  The way we see it, our baby doesn't even belong to us but to God.  We are just loving, caring, raising, coaching, and guiding him or her because God gave us the opportunity to do so.  There is nothing we did on our own to deserve such a wonderful gift.

Thanks again for your prayers everyone!  

Morning Sickness

Morning sickness is common during pregnancy.  As it turns out, morning sickness doesn't always happen in the morning.  Although sometimes tired, Katy feels pretty good during the day.  Then 5 o'clock rolls around and the nausea kicks in, pretty much without fail.  I must say that she's been super tough.  She rarely complains, simply stating "It just means there's a healthy baby in there."  


I can't even imagine what it must feel like to be pregnant.  You're hungry but you can't eat certain things.  You're nauseous so you don't want to eat but you have to.  If you're sick you can't take much medicine.  You're senses are extremely heightened like a superhero. (Katy can smell things like a bloodhound.) You're eating, sleeping, drinking, and breathing for 2.  All these changes are going on inside your body all of the sudden.  It sounds like a mixture of going through puberty and having the flu.


As her husband and baby's daddy, my goal is to serve, support and encourage Katy as much as possible.  I'm trying to find the balance between challenging her and caring for her.  Both are important, but at different times and settings.  All things considered, I'd say she is doing great and already being a great Mom to Baby Bradley.  Thank you for your prayers during this amazing journey!

What ways can a husband best support his wife during pregnancy?  
Please leave an answer in a comment below.

2 Heartbeats

In week 10, Katy and I had our first Dr. appointment.  I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I didn't realize it was going to be my first experience at the woman Dr.  They leave that part out in the movies.

The Dr. was informative and gave us tons of resources but it was definitely information overload.  Who knew all of the things that you can't do or eat while you're pregnant?  I didn't.  It makes me wonder how many women got sick or babies had birth defects before they started to implement all of these dos and don'ts.  Its not like pregnant moms in the developing nations of Africa, Asia, and South America even have access to this information, let alone could do anything about it.

Anywho, back to the appointment.  There was a moment where we were supposed to hear the heartbeat.  Even though the Dr. said you can't always hear it, it made me nervous when we couldn't.  So they took us into a different room where we could see both the baby and the heartbeat.  It was crazy!  Basically, they put this jelly on Katy's stomach and rubbed something that resembled a TV remote on top of it and the next thing you know there is a little baby on the screen.  As if that wasn't crazy enough, we saw the heartbeat and Baby Bradley started to jump and move around! He or she is gonna be quite the athlete! 

How weird is that?  One person responsible for 2 heartbeats! 

This was the first time I started to feel like it was officially real.  I'm sure the feeling will gradually grow, especially when we find out if we are having a girl or boy.  We are praying for good health and would continue to ask that you do the same.

Practice

Some of our good friends recently had a baby so we went to visit them and their new son in the hospital.  I have been to visit new parents in the hospital before, but this is the first time knowing that it will be Katy and I very soon.  It's refreshing to see how other first time parents are with their new babies.  These are our friends and I have to believe if they can do it, surely we can do it too.

10 Ways to Tell People You're Pregnant

In case you haven't heard, my wife and I are having a baby!  Here are a few ways we shared our good news!!

I requested that we tell my parents first since I am an only child and this would be there first grandchild.  Katy's parents already have 3 grandchildren and another on the way (ours will be #5). We wanted to share our news in a cool way, you know other than just saying, "Hey guess what, we're having a baby."  We only had 24 hours to figure it out because we were leaving for Thanksgiving.  So...

1.  Katy bought two shirts from the SNU bookstore for my parents that say "SNU Grandparent" on the front.  We were just going to give it to them as a gift, but instead we decided it would be more fun to wear the shirts.  So we put them on and walked into the room and said "We got these cool shirts the other day and thought you might like them."  They were definitely excited.  They said, "Like, for real?  Are you for real!?" As if we would play a joke like that. 

Here are some of the other ways we shared our good news.

2.  Katy made a card that was made out to the baby of some of our friends.  The inside of the card read:
Will you be my friend?  
[] Yes [] No
Love, Baby Bradley

3. We meet with our small group from church every Sunday night.  One Sunday night I prayed before our meal.  "Dear God thank you for this day....bless this food to nourish our bodies...especially Katy's body as she has a baby growing inside of her...and prepare our hearts as we become parents....Amen!

4.  One of my best friends is an insurance agent for State Farm.  I told him I would need to set up a new policy and maybe a 529 College Fund.

5.  This wasn't planned but it worked out great.  Katy went down to visit her sister because she just had a baby.  Her mom, sisters, and grandparents were there visiting as well.  Katy's 4 year old niece got a Dr. kit with scrubs, band-aids, a stethoscope, etc for her birthday from her aunt (Katy's sister Emily) that is a P.A.  Brenna (Katy's niece) was using the stethoscope, checking everyone's heartbeat.  When she got to Katy, she moved the stethoscope to Katy's stomach.  Katy asked her if she could hear a heartbeat?   She said yes.  She asked if she could hear two?  She said yes.  Katy asked her what does that mean?  Brenna said, "That there's a baby in there?"

6.  One of our friends absolutely LOVES his birthday.  So we went to his house and sang some birthday carols.  We sang "We wish you a merry birthday" and we also sang the birthday song and said "happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday Uncle Chad & Aunt Kendall, happy birthday to you.

7.  Katy's work has an annual Christmas party with a "Dirty Santa" gift exchange.  One of Katy's coworkers purposely brought a baby book.  Someone opened it and thought it random that someone bought a baby book.  When it was Katy's turn, she stole the baby book and said "I'll take the baby book since I will be needing it in the near future."

8.  We got an ultrasound picture at our first Dr. appointment.  We included the picture in a Christmas card and gave it to my Grandma.  The card simply said Merry Christmas!  Love Brett, Katy, and Baby Bradley.  My Grandma was pretty excited.

9.  We took this picture to put on facebook and Twitter.  The shoes are the ones we wore for our wedding that have our wedding date on the back.  We both love tennis shoes and thought it only appropriate that the first baby item we bought were little tennis shoes.  My sister-in-law is a talented graphic designer and added the approximate due date to the back of the baby shoes.  The baby is due to arrive the week of our 5 year anniversary.

10.  Quite possibly the best baby announcement I've seen was by our good friends The Meisners.  Check out their creative video announcement here. 

What cool ways have you heard people spread their news?

Spreading The News

So we (and by we I mean Katy) "passed" the pregnancy test.  After we came to our senses, we realized that we were going to have to tell people.  I thought this would be easy, but apparently it is pretty complex....or at least it seems that way when your wife knows half of the universe. 

Then there is the whole "in person" dilemma.  Who must be told in person?  Who can be told over the phone?  Who can be told via text message?  Who can be told on facebook and Twitter?  Is there an order between individual friends, my work, Katy's work, Sunday school class, church friends, grandparents and extended family?   I'm not sure the proper order and personally I don't know that it matters as long as you tell your parents/immediate family.  But there are some people that get offended if someone finds out before them, making them feel less important or something.  Don't spend your time worrying about those people.  Whichever order you decide, with facebook and twitter, you better be ready for the world to know if you tell someone outside of your circle of close friends and family.

It is also complex because of the chance of miscarriage.  We have plenty of friends who have gone through this devastation and unfortunately know it is pretty common.  Our perspective was we had 2 choices: 1) Tell people somewhat early so they can be praying for us throughout the process or 2) Wait a little longer until the chance of miscarriage decreases to avoid having to tell everyone that we had a miscarriage. 

We chose option #1.  We told our closest friends and family between 6-8 weeks and shared it with the world on facebook & Twitter after our first appointment at 10 weeks.  Thinking worst case scenario for a moment, we decided it would be better to tell people and ask for their prayers and if something were to happen, people would know and continue praying for us.  If we went with #2, people would continue to ask, "When are you going to have a baby?" and we would have to either pretend nothing happened and hide our hurt or eventually tell them anyway.  It is a tough decision and one that is different for each family.  I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

My next post will be about how we told our parents, friends, family, coworkers, and the rest of the world.  Thanks again for your continued prayers for the health of Katy and Baby Bradley. :)

THE TEST

My wife is usually on time.  Whether its being on time for work, dinner, or an event (especially weddings), she lives by the "If you're on time you're late, if you're early you're on time" mantra.  Well a couple of months ago my wife was not on time, if you know what I mean.  We make an extra effort to communicate well so she told me.  I didn't think anything about her not being on time the first day, the second day, or even the third day.  But on the fourth day I started to think it could be true. 

We previously agreed to "take" the pregnancy test together so we could share the experience of finding out together.  This was my idea because although finding out you're having a child can be exciting, it is a pretty big surprise and can be overwhelming.  Typically, the wife has had time to process things in her mind and by the time she tells her husband she is less overwhelmed and more excited.  Then she tells her husband, expecting him to be equally excited as she is but like her, he begins in the overwhelmed stage.  She thinks he isn't excited and the pregnant tears start to fall.  Just kidding, but seriously it happens all the time.

In an effort to prolong the inevitable, we procrastinated in taking the test.  I guess you could say we were studying.  We waited a couple of weeks and then randomly decided to stop and pick up a pregnancy test from CVS.  We didn't go to our neighborhood store because we didn't want to see anyone we knew and take the risk of a rumor flying around on facebook.  By the way, buying a pregnancy test is somewhat awkward.  You try to do it nonchalantly because if people see you with it, you think they picture you having sex. Katy made sure to keep her wedding ring in plain sight at all times and asked me to do the same. 

When we got home, we were incredibly nervous.  We were laughing, pacing, reading directions and asking questions to each other (as if we knew the answers) about how it was going to work.  We decided that after Katy took the test (aka peed on it) we would cover it up so that we could find out at the exact same time.  Katy peed on the test.  (The teacher in me finds it odd to say this.)  Now we were even more nervous.  We sat down on the bed, hugged, and prayed.  We thanked God for the past 4 years of marriage and prayed for many more to come.  We prayed that regardless of what the "test" said, we would thank God for the blessings in our life and trust his perfect timing for our lives and our family.   

We said Amen, took a deep breath, and walked over to the bathroom counter.  We took a deep breath again, held hands, and pulled the wrapper off of the test.  And there you have it.  We passed. 

We smiled.  We hugged.  We continued to laugh and pace nervously.  We checked the directions a few more times just to make sure it was true.

Are we sure the test was accurate?  Should we take another one just to be sure?  When do we go to the doctor?  When do we tell people?  How do we tell people?  When is the date?  Is it a boy or a girl?  What will we name him/her?....

I'll be sharing the answers to these questions and the rest of this adventure here on the blog.  We sure would appreciate your prayers. :)