Love Does Not Envy

This is the third post in a series titled Love Never Fails.  The series is based on the scripture about love in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13.  It is based on the premise that although we have all been heartbroken, lonely, used and abused by people that "love" us, love never actually fails...humans do.  We are the ones that fail because we do not properly and fully love.

Envy is defined as a resentful emotion that occurs when a person lacks another's quality, achievement, or possession and wishes the other lacked it.

After reading that definition it is clear that not only is it true that Love does not envy, it is impossible to both Love and be envious at the same time.  We cannot have a resentful emotion and love at the same time.  We cannot wish that someone else did not have a certain possession, quality, or achievement while still truly loving them.  After all, envy is one of the seven deadly sins (yes it is a sin) and the 10th commandment.

People often confuse admiration and envy as they start out very similar.  If you admire someone you notice a quality that you like.  Perhaps you admire someone's car, clothes, physique, or personality trait.   This is completely normal and I hope that you have people in your life that you admire or look up to.  I believe it is necessary for personal growth.

However, if you're not careful that admiration can quickly turn into envy.  The person that you admired you begin to resent.  You may still admire their physique but you hope they gain some weight because if you can't have the body you want, no one should.  The positive personality you once admired in someone you now wish to make their life miserable because if you aren't happy then you don't want them happy either.

Here is what it can look like in a marriage or serious relationship. You're glad that your husband loves his job.  You wish you loved yours.  After a while, you get sick and tired of how happy he is and what difference he is making while you come home every day lacking purpose and feeling miserable.  Eventually you don't want to hear another word about his stupid fulfilling job because if you hate your job, he should hate his to!

Your wife is a stay at home Mom.  You both decided it was best for your kids so you picked up some extra shifts and/or responsibilities at work to make this financially possible.  After a while, you become envious of your wife's relationship with your kids.  You resent the fact that she gets to stay at home while you are off working extra hard at your job, so much so that you want her to go back to work because if you can't be home and have a great relationship with your kids then she shouldn't get to either!

Or it could even look like this.  Your wife becomes envious of another lady's body.  It bothers her so much that she is determined to look better than her so she joins a gym and begins fanatically working out and going health crazy.  She now works out twice a day and eats like a rabbit for the sole purpose of looking better than this particular lady, putting your marriage and kids on the back burner.  The same can be said of a husband chasing the success of a fellow businessman.

No one would choose to feel this way towards someone that you love.  Envy is not a desirable trait.  But somehow it creeps in over time and if you're not careful, it will keep you from being able to fully love your spouse.  I wonder how many marriages have ended in divorce because of envy?

How do I know if I'm envious?  Well that's a great question and although it is easy to spot in others, it is very hard to see in the mirror.  Start by answering these few questions.

1.  Is there someone that is successful that I want to fail?
2.  Is there someone with a positive trait that I secretly wish they would lose?
3.  In what areas of life am I unhappy?  Am I okay with others being happy in these areas?

If you answered yes to even one of these questions chances are envy is creeping in your heart.

So what can I do about it?  Here are 2 ways to attack envy.

1. Ask God to reveal to you which situations and people you may be the source of your envy.
2.  Pray specifically for those people and the qualities you are envious of on a daily basis.  (It is difficult to wish ill will upon someone you are praying for.)

Do not let envy creep into your marriage or any area of your life.  Love never fails...we do.  Do not fail your spouse or kids and give love a bad name because you allowed yourself to be overcome with envy.

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