Editing Life

In his new book, START, Jon Acuff references 5 stages of adult life.

1. Learning (20s)

2. Editing (30s)

3. Mastering (40s)

4. Harvesting (50s)

5. Guiding (60s)

Although the age groups of these stages are not true for everyone, so far it has been true for my life.  I took my 20s head on and although I will never stop learning, have taken advantage of as many opportunities as possible.  Other than graduating from college and getting a job, I took advantage of nearly every opportunity to get more involved in my school, school district, church, and other personal endeavors.  I worked multiple jobs, developed an incredible network of friends, experienced a lot of really cool stuff, and of course Katy and I welcomed a baby boy into our family.

Well I only have a few days left in my 20s as my 30th birthday is right around the corner.  After this past "crazy season" it is time to do some editing.  How do I know its time?  Because I've had something on my schedule every single evening for the last 9 days.  That doesn't include my day job or being a husband or father!  

So I have begun the editing process.  I'm creating a list of everything I am involved in, all of the roles I play and all of the hats I wear.  There are a lot of good things on this list and I hate to bow out and say no as they are all for a good cause.  But I'm learning that sometimes you have to say no to lot of good things in order to say yes to the best things like leading my wife and young son.

As I've done some editing, I've already taken off 5 hats.  And with each hat that comes off and with each good role I give up, that is extra time I will be able to spend with my family.

Editing your life is an incredibly reflective process and I have learned so much about myself and my priorities.  I still have a long way to go as I have only begun.  Just to be clear, if I could do these things all over again, I probably would.  In fact, I am encouraging others to take my spot.  However, in this particular stage of life, its best to let someone else enjoy these good things while I take advantage and enjoy the best things. 

The Best Things!

What stage are you in?  Do you need to do some editing?  Do you need to give up some good things to have more time for great things?

Taking Back Your Resolutions

It has been just over 2 months since our 2013 New Year's Resolutions were developed.  Statistics show that over 75% of us have failed at whatever it is we were trying to start or stop in 2013.  And because it didn't go as planned and because we missed a day or a week or had a setback or gained a pound or whatever it was that we wanted to change this year, we gave up.  We threw in the towel on a year long resolution because of a few mistakes.

Why do we do that?  Why do we give up so quickly?  Chances are your goals for 2013 are challenging for you, or you wouldn't have them as goals.

So if you're like me (and I know I am) maybe today is the day that you start over.  Today is the day that we declare a do-over on our 2013 goals and resolutions.  

Chances are we are going to slip up again.  We are still going to have roadblocks, challenges, and bad days.  But if we just take it one day at a time, break it down into small victories, we will can gain some momentum back and accomplish whatever we started at the beginning of the year and more.

The same is true for Lent.  If you gave up or started something for the season of Lent, you may have messed up.  I know I have.  That doesn't mean that we give up.  That doesn't mean we stop.  It means we made a mistake and need to try again starting now.

Do you need to declare a do-over?

Bumps & Bruises

I'm learning a lot from my six month old son.  He has recently learned to move from one place to another.  Whether it be an army crawl, real crawl, or series of rolls he can get wherever he wants to go. He rarely likes to be out in the open.  Beau can usually be found under a table or chair, climbing up and over boxes, and if he is on the bed or couch he quickly finds his way to the edge.

I've noticed that my six month old son is FEARLESS!  If we would let him, Beau would do some pretty dangerous stuff without even thinking about it.  He hasn't learned what it means to play it safe.  He doesn't weigh the pros and cons.  His what ifs look different than mine.  Rather than what if I fall he thinks what if I get on top of the coffee table?  It's not what if I hit my head it's what if I find out whats on the other side of this couch/bed/box.

As adults our what ifs slowly begin to change and we quickly begin to play it safe.  There is good to that and I know my wife and I need to teach our son how to be safe and not get hurt.  But hopefully not at the expense of creating fear.  Not at the expense of losing curiosity.  There has to be a way to balance safety and adventure.

The truth is sometimes Beau falls over and bumps his head and he cries.  Sometimes he gets stuck and gets frustrated.  And sometimes he gets hurt and sometimes he cries but that is how you and I learn.

Maybe I need to worry less about experiencing pain and more about learning to live life.  There will be bumps and bruises of all kinds.  But with each pain there is a story.  There is an adventure.  There is learning and growing.  And most importantly there is life.

Beau, you and I have a lot more learning to do with each other.  Here's to living and learning!

The Importance of Core

I recently had surgery to have my gallbladder removed.  It was something that had bothered me off and on for about 7 years.  So far my surgery and the recovery has been a really positive experience.  The outpatient surgery was laprascopic with no major incisions.   Just 4 little holes around my abdomen.

During the first few days of recovery, I never realized how much I actually use your abdominal muscles throughout the day.  Obviously I knew sitting up out of bed would be difficult.  What I didn't know is how much you actually use your abs when you wash dishes, open and close doors, get dressed, pick up your child, laugh, open jars, put on your seat belt, etc...  You use your core for everything!!

I was reminded that if my core is weak, my whole body is weak.  This isn't necessarily true of other parts of the body.  If my arm or leg is weak, I can usually compensate by making another part of my body stronger.  But if my core is weak, I am weak.

So as I heal and recover, I am reminded of how important it is to gain strength in my core before I strengthen other parts of my body.

As I think about it the same is also true in my personal life.  My core is my relationships with God, my family, my health, and my finances.  If all of those are strong, I am usually strong in the other areas of my life including work, friends, recreation, etc.  However, if there is stress in one or more of my core areas then there is usually stress in all other areas. 

So as I heal and recover my physical core, I must also continue to strengthen the core areas of my life.

What are the core areas of your life?  How are they?  How do you continue to strengthen them?  

Dorm Life

As most of you know, my wife and I live on a college campus.   We have lived in an apartment in a dorm lobby four out of the last five years (one year we lived in a house on campus).   In fact, Katy has lived in the dorms since she came to SNU as a Freshmen in 2003!  It is certainly an interesting and entertaining lifestyle, keeping us young at heart as we interact with college students to the we hours of the morning. (And by we I mean Katy...my bedtime is 10:30.)

Whenever people ask where I live and I tell them, they always ask the same question in the same way.  With a tone of disbelief they ask, "Oh yeah? What is that like?" Half of the time it is because they think we actually live in a dorm room and I think the other half thinks "Why in the world would you live in a dorm in general?"  

I have to say it's a legitimate question because not many "grown ups" have the opportunity (or the desire) to live in a dorm.  And I must admit that it was not my first choice in places to live and there is quite a bit of sacrifice that comes with it.  However, when my wife had the opportunity to have her dream job, I wanted to support her to the best of my ability, even if it meant living in a dorm.

I could have put my foot down as a new husband and said that I didn't want to live in the dorm as a newlywed man and Katy would have been a supportive wife and honored that decision.  I'm so glad I supported her because I would have missed out on so many other opportunities and most importantly, I would have kept Katy from experiencing her dream job and finding her passion, and I would have missed being a part of it along the way.

Dorm life is coming to an end for now.  Katy earned a promotion and now has some additional responsibilities.  Long story short we are moving out of the dorms and into an on campus house.  I am definitely ready to move on but there are things I WILL MISS about living in a college dorm in random order.

1.  Unlimited hot water.

2.  Free laser printer.

3.  Monitored security cameras.

4.  The ability to have large gatherings in the lobby during breaks.

5.  On call maintenance.

6.  Friendly faces stopping by to say hi.

7.  No utility bills!

8.  Pranks and scares.

9.  Having a tornado shelter close by.

10.  Having a meal plan for the cafeteria!

At the same time, there are quite a few things that I WILL NOT MISS about living in a college dorm!

1.  Fire Alarms! (Nothing worse than making 300 people evacuate because you wanted bacon on a Saturday morning!)

2.  Noisy neighbors or worrying about being too loud (baby crying) for sleeping neighbors.

3.  Tiny showers.

4.  Knocks on the door interrupting dinner, conversations, and family time.

5.  Pretending not to be home when people are knocking and Katy isn't home.

6.  People knocking at random hours because they are locked out of their rooms.

7.  Fire Alarms! (Nothing like burnt popcorn at 2:30am!)

8.  Being in charge of hundreds of people during a tornado.

9.  Living in a huge building during Christmas and Summer breaks.  (It's pretty creepy.)

10.  Fire alarms! (Nothing like blowing out birthday candles and having the fire dept. show up!)

It's been a great 5 years and I wouldn't trade a minute of it.  However, with Beau Bradley coming into our lives I think it is perfect timing to see what it's like to live in a house and not in a building with nearly 300 people.  It will be an adjustment for sure, but one that we are looking forward to.

Top Books of 2012

2012 was a great year!  Possibly the best this far for my wife and I. We had our first baby, celebrated our 5 year anniversary, took random road trips to Hot Springs, AR, the Grand Canyon,  Sedona, AZ, and a couple of Bed & Breakfasts here in Oklahoma.  We bought and renovated our future home although we are sticking to campus life for now.  It's been a wonderful year!

Due to all of these great adventures, one of the things I've slacked on this year is reading.  I never thought it possible but I have become an avid reader.  Thats pretty big considering I do not recall ever reading an entire book until I graduated college!!  Since then I don't know how many I've read because counting seems silly but I am usually excited about finishing a book so that I can start another.

Of the few books I made time to read this year, these were the most influential.  They changed the way I think and in turn changed my life.  I'm sharing them with you in hopes that your life may be influenced should you choose to read them.

Here are MY top 10 books of 2012! :)

Life
Love Does by Bob Goff - This book is a collection of the author's personal stories about learning to engage in your life.  It challenged me to focus less on planning my life and more on living it.  After you read this book you'll feel like Bob is one of your best friends who encourages you to not just love with your words but with your hands and feet.  Be ready to look at your life, your job, your family, and everything else differently.

You may also like A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller.

Parenting
Baby Wise by Gary Ezzo - When we asked for advice on parenting a lot of people we admire as parents recommend that we read Baby Wise.  We read it and immediately put it into practice.  It gives specific steps on how to put your baby on a schedule and get them to sleep through the night.  We do not follow it to a 'T' but we do use the basic foundations and have been pleased.  Definitely the most helpful book on parenting we have read thus far.

I will also note that there are quite a few parents out there that are not fans of Baby Wise and its methods.  It didn't work for them or their kids for one reason or another.  I can only speak of my experience which has been a amazing one.  If you have a newborn or are about to, I recommend that you at least give it a shot.

You may also like The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp.

Spiritual
The Resolution For Men by Kendrick & Alcorn - If you are interested on learning how to become a better husband or father then this book is for you.  This book will challenge you in multiple ways and is filled with tons of practical ideas to help you in multiple areas.  It is bold.  If you're not interested in becoming a better man you will be offended.

You may also like The Principle of the Path by Andy Stanley.

Leadership
Visioneering by Andy Stanley - If you are looking for a leadership book that will also challenge you spiritually, this is the book for you.  According to Stanley, visioneering is painting a clear mental picture of what could be, fueled by the conviction that it should be If you are the leader of your home, school, work, church, or community, this book will help you develop and strengthen your vision.

You may also like The Next Generation Leader by Andy Stanley.

Financial
The Automatic Millionaire by David Bach - Ok so I technically didn't read this in 2012.  It was actually one of the first financial books I read in 2006 and has served as the foundation for how I handle my personal finances.  I would not be as financially stable if it were not for this book.  I recommend it for everyone, especially those just starting in the real world.  I only read one financial book this year called The Cheapskate Next Door.  Although boring, it was filled with some good ideas, most of which are outlined in The Automatic Millionaire anyway.

You may also like The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.

These 5 books have changed my life for the better.  I believe in them so much that I got a copy for all of my blog readers!!  Rather than mailing them to you, I left them at your local library so feel free to pick one or all of them up anytime....for free!!

You may be turned off by the fact that there isn't any fiction on this list.  Nothing against fiction books, I just don't get into them because it is hard for me to learn from them.  Change only comes with new information.  Take the time to read up on some new information in 2013!

What were your favorite books of 2012?  Leave them in the comments below or post it on facebook or twitter!

Good Prevails!

By now everyone has heard of the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut.  A man killed 26 students and educators at an elementary school.  You can learn more about it on any local news station or news website.  This tragedy has sparked a lot of thoughts and reflection.  Here are some of mine.

Evil exists.  There is evil in the world.  I can't think of an act more evil than killing innocent children. Some will blame the school.  Others will blame the parents of the shooter.  Some are already calling for more gun control.  Fingers will be pointed at video games and violent media.  All of these may be contributing factors but only evil actually goes through with something this...well...evil.

I can't always protect my family from evil.  As a husband and father I consider it my duty and pleasure to protect my family.  I will always do my best but I can't physically be there 24/7 and you don't always know when evil is going to show up.  I am learning that there is a lot I must put in God's hands and simply trust and obey.

Good prevails.  The news will continue to cover this tragedy and all of the sadness that goes along with it.  Newscasters and even President Obama fought back tears as they covered this story and gave speeches.  What you may not see is the millions of children that were held closer and tighter this weekend.  Parents realizing that in the midst of their busy schedules they need to carve out more time to spend with their children.  

I have no intention of making light of this devastating situation and I do not have an explanation or answers.  26 families are experiencing unfathomable loss and a community is broken and hurting.  Yet at the same time millions of families across the nation and possibly the world will become closer because of this tragedy.  My hope is that each parent that hears of this tragedy will be reminded of the preciousness of life and cherish each moment with their children.  My hope is that children will feel more loved starting this weekend than they have in their entire lives and it will carry on and even grow for years to come.  My hope is that friends, families, community organizations, and churches will join together and support one another during this extreme time of need.  

If you don't live in or around Newtown, Connecticut, there may not be able to directly help in this situation.  I've never met any of the families and don't even know their names.  But I bet if we were to ask the families of those that lost loved ones how we can help, my guess is their answers would look something like this.

Be present with your kids.  Attend their games, concerts, and recitals.  Eat dinner around the table as a family.  Schedule one day each week to wake up a little early and take them out to breakfast.  Ask them about their day and actually make them tell you.

Watch less TV and go to the local park or play some board games.  Tuck your kids in at night and pray for them and with them.  Tell them how much you love them and how proud you are of them.  Hug them tightly and frequently because you never know when it could be the last time.

I don't think their first comments would surround gun control, school safety or media violence.  I think they would say the best way we can help is to be present with our children, love them unconditionally, appreciate their unique gifts, and cherish each and every moment.  

Evil exists.  It just does and we can't always protect our families from it.  But as long as we love unconditionally, lean on one another, support our neighbor, pray for our enemies and their families, and learn from tragedy good will always prevail.  

I pray that this tragedy changes millions of people for the better and causes millions of families to re-prioritize what is most important in their lives.

How will your family be different after this tragedy?

6 Thoughts On Being A New Dad

Today is Beau Bradley's 3 month birthday!  What an amazing adventure it has been so far.  He has nearly doubled his weight, gone through over 1,300 diapers (seriously...we are keeping track), peed and pooped all over multiple people (sorry about that), grown out of dozens of clothes, found his hands, rolled over, cried himself to sleep, figured out how to talk (aka make random noises), and smiles at anyone who will talk to him.  I must admit that it's been much more enjoyable than I expected.

People often ask me what I think about being a Dad.  It is one of those questions that I have so many answers to that I often don't know which one to pick, causing me to simply answer, "Its good."  So let me pick a few.

Here are 6 answers to the question, "Hey Brett, what it's like being a Dad?"

1. I'm enjoying it earlier than I expected.  Don't get me wrong, I knew I would enjoy fatherhood but I didn't think I really would until Beau was able to walk and talk.  To my surprise, we have already learned how to communicate with each other and even though we can't run around and play catch we still have fun and play together everyday.  (Mostly just making faces and noises, rolling around on my chest, playing tug of war, and trying to make him laugh.)

2. It's expensive.  After you get past the hospital bills, you pretty much get nickeled and dimed (and sometimes "Benjamined") on a weekly basis.  Diapers, wipes, bottles, clothes, safety stuff, and toys add up very quickly.  Formula is ridiculously expensive!  When it comes to minor medical supplies just know that if its for a baby its probably double the price for less than half of the product.  Borrow, share, and use hand me downs as much as you can!

3. It's exhausting.  When I am home alone with Beau I thought I would be able to just sit him next to me while I read or do some work on my computer.  Wrong!  I've learned even 3 month old babies rarely just sit there and do nothing.  And in the moments that they do, you have to clean and fill the bottles, take out the never ending trash, restock diapers and wipes, or just sit and take a break!  Not to mention all the other stuff that my wife does like the laundry, food production, cleaning, and countless things that I don't even know about.  Being a parent is a constant job and I'm so thankful for the greatest tag-team partner in my wife Katy.

4. It has caused me to reevaluate and re-prioritize.   There are so many things that I used to do that I don't do anymore.  For example, I was pretty social media savvy using facebook and Twitter on the regular.  I may go days or even weeks without checking them, other than to post a picture for my family to see.  It has caused me to put things at work into perspective and truly ask myself what I think should be the best use of my time.  This is an ongoing process and I have just begun.

5. I am now able to experience love in a whole new way.  That statement is somewhat self explanatory but I'll elaborate on this more in a future post.

6. Five years of marriage was the right amount of time to wait before having a baby.  I'm not trying to persuade you to make certain decisions but for Katy and I, 5 years was the perfect amount of time.  We were able to build a solid family foundation consisting of faith, love, trust, memories, experiences, finances, and support systems.  Would we have been able to make it if we had a baby sooner?  I'm sure we would have made it.  If we would have waited a few more years I'm sure that would have been just fine too.  But 5 years (almost to the day) is what we needed for our family.  You and your family may ideally require more or less time than that.

Happy 3 month Birthday Beau Bradley!  I'm excited for the months, years, decades, and even seconds to come!

How did you feel when you became a new parent?

Priorities

If you are a follower of this blog you aware that I haven't posted much in the past few months.  In fact, I stay about 3 days behind on my Twitter feed and I rarely even check facebook.  I've never been a social media addict but I do believe that it has the ability to enhance my life, in the form of learning, connecting, leading, and expressing.  

We have a new principal this year and this is video she showed us on the first day together as a faculty/staff.  It's a concept that I'm familiar with but I had not thought about it since becoming a father this summer.  Its an excellent illustration about creating priorities.  Take 6 minutes and see how you can apply this to your life.

What are your big rocks? Although I really enjoy them, apparently blogging and social media are no longer big rocks for me.  I still think both are important in my life, but there are other priorities that are higher on the list.

No Distractions

This past spring break my wife and I took a trip to Sedona, AZ.  It was just what we needed.  The unique beauty of Sedona is unlike anything I have ever seen.

The place that we stayed was outside of the city and down in a valley.  Because of this we did not have cell phone reception.  Okay.  We can do this.  It's only for a week.  We got to our room and realized that we do not have wifi either. 

So here we are.  No cellphone.  No reception.  No internet.  No Twitter.  No Facebook.  Not to mention, we gave up watching TV for Lent.

It was weird.  It's weird not having distractions.  We were so used to being distracted that we were distracted by not having distractions.  We did go to a local coffee shop one day for some wifi but this was more like a scheduled distraction.

As it turns out, we enjoyed not being able to check our phones and constantly be distracted.  We were able to read, talk, create, explore, exercise, relax, and so much more.  I think we may try disconnecting while we are at home to see if it still feels the same.

As a leader, regardless of your capacity, make sure that you allow people the time to disconnect, get away and relax.  As the leader of your family, make sure to schedule it.  As the leader of an organization, make sure to allow your employees to schedule.  It will be worth it in the long run.

40 Days Without

My wife and I went 40 days without TV.  We gave up watching TV for Lent, the time between Ash Wednesday & Easter.  (It's not exactly 40 days but its close.)  I would like to tell you that it was miserable but that simply is not true.

We missed the reruns of our favorite crime shows, college kids playing in a basketball tournament, a golf tournament where the winner gets a jacket, some people singing and dancing while others critique them, and OKC Thunder basketball.  For some reason these shows seemed more important while I was watching them.  We were late on some national news such as the Travon Martin tragedy, a shooting on a college campus, and other disheartening information.  We were made aware of these things via Twitter & Facebook.

I knew what we would miss but did not expect what we would gain.  We had deeper conversations than we have ever had.  We got out of the house and exercised more.  We gained knowledge as we read more.  We gained rest as we slept more. We gained the ability to sit in awkward silence until it is no longer awkward.  

I am shocked at how much more we were able to accomplish and experience by simply not watching TV.  It's been 3 weeks since our TV fast and I think we have turned it on maybe 5 times, all for specific purposes.

Based on our positive experience, I would recommend that you begin to limit the amount of TV that you watch. The problem with TV is that it allows us to focus more on the realities and stories of fictional people that we don't take the time to develop our own reality and our own stories.  Or if you play video games, we spend more time fighting fake zombies and virtual terrorists than we do fighting against real life evil. 

Here are 2 recommendations to limit the amount of TV you watch.

1.  Fast an hour each day.  Determine that from 7-8 (or whatever time) that you will keep the TV off.
2.  Fast 1 day each week.  Decide that every Monday (or whatever day) that you will keep the TV off.

Try one or both of these and I think you'll be surprised with the results.  

It's A...

This past week was our first ultrasound.  We were able to find out if we were having a boy or a girl.  First of all, can I just say that ultrasounds are unbelievable!  The first thing we noticed was the spine.  It was so clear and developed.  Baby Bradley was moving around a lot so we got to see both arms and legs, hands and feet, in full motion.  Thanks to some good advice, Katy at some fruit before going into the ultrasound which apparently gets the baby going.  We were even able to see the heartbeat and the 4 chambers of the heart.  Not only could we see the head but also parts of the brain.  It was crazy!!  And to think we were able to see all of this when the baby is only about 10 inches long.  All because of some ultra sound waves?  Whoever came up with that idea is pure genius.  

We decided ahead of time that we were going to find out if we were having a boy or a girl.  However, we also decided that we wanted to find out while we were alone and not with some random lady in the room. (although Molly was very nice)  So, we had a piece of paper that said "It's A..." inside of an envelope and gave it to the nurse so we could find out later that day.  She was very understanding and willing.  As you can see, we both wore blue and pink as not to show bias.

Immediately after the appointment, Katy and I went to a park that was right down the street from the hospital.  We were pretty excited and giddy.  It was a beautiful day so we walked around the small park for a minute and decided to stop and open the envelope on a bridge.  Just like we prayed together before taking and looking at the pregnancy test, we prayed before opening the envelope.  We thanked God for an opportunity to raise His son or daughter.  We prayed that our hearts would be 100% full of joy regardless of the baby's gender.  We prayed that we would be able to raise them to become world changers and leaders of their generation.  

So there we were on a bridge, in a park, with an envelope.  I have no idea why we were nervous but we were.  I felt like we were at the Grammy's and opening our envelope....which is weird because we truly believe we would have won regardless of the outcome.  I asked Katy if she wanted me to open the envelope fast or slow...you know like peeling off a band-aid.  She said fast.  So I took the little green envelope.  Opened it fast.  And it read "It's a...BOY!" 

A BOY!?!  Due to the Stewart and Bradley family track records we were both expecting it to be a girl.  Katy still can't believe it.  I've had a feeling that we were going to have a boy but it was just a feeling.  My brother in laws said congratulations but will only believe it's a boy when he is born.  I must say I don't blame them.  

After finding out, we celebrated by going to the mall and buying our first official baby outfit.  We were looking for something Nike but found this Jordan outfit instead.  We celebrated with dinner at PF Changs and then called all of our immediate family.  The were thoroughly excited!

Thanks again for all of your prayers.  We appreciate them more than you know!  We can now start saying he and him rather than it.  We are over half way there!

Now if we could only decide on a name.... 

Morning Sickness

Morning sickness is common during pregnancy.  As it turns out, morning sickness doesn't always happen in the morning.  Although sometimes tired, Katy feels pretty good during the day.  Then 5 o'clock rolls around and the nausea kicks in, pretty much without fail.  I must say that she's been super tough.  She rarely complains, simply stating "It just means there's a healthy baby in there."  


I can't even imagine what it must feel like to be pregnant.  You're hungry but you can't eat certain things.  You're nauseous so you don't want to eat but you have to.  If you're sick you can't take much medicine.  You're senses are extremely heightened like a superhero. (Katy can smell things like a bloodhound.) You're eating, sleeping, drinking, and breathing for 2.  All these changes are going on inside your body all of the sudden.  It sounds like a mixture of going through puberty and having the flu.


As her husband and baby's daddy, my goal is to serve, support and encourage Katy as much as possible.  I'm trying to find the balance between challenging her and caring for her.  Both are important, but at different times and settings.  All things considered, I'd say she is doing great and already being a great Mom to Baby Bradley.  Thank you for your prayers during this amazing journey!

What ways can a husband best support his wife during pregnancy?  
Please leave an answer in a comment below.

2 Heartbeats

In week 10, Katy and I had our first Dr. appointment.  I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I didn't realize it was going to be my first experience at the woman Dr.  They leave that part out in the movies.

The Dr. was informative and gave us tons of resources but it was definitely information overload.  Who knew all of the things that you can't do or eat while you're pregnant?  I didn't.  It makes me wonder how many women got sick or babies had birth defects before they started to implement all of these dos and don'ts.  Its not like pregnant moms in the developing nations of Africa, Asia, and South America even have access to this information, let alone could do anything about it.

Anywho, back to the appointment.  There was a moment where we were supposed to hear the heartbeat.  Even though the Dr. said you can't always hear it, it made me nervous when we couldn't.  So they took us into a different room where we could see both the baby and the heartbeat.  It was crazy!  Basically, they put this jelly on Katy's stomach and rubbed something that resembled a TV remote on top of it and the next thing you know there is a little baby on the screen.  As if that wasn't crazy enough, we saw the heartbeat and Baby Bradley started to jump and move around! He or she is gonna be quite the athlete! 

How weird is that?  One person responsible for 2 heartbeats! 

This was the first time I started to feel like it was officially real.  I'm sure the feeling will gradually grow, especially when we find out if we are having a girl or boy.  We are praying for good health and would continue to ask that you do the same.

How To Keep Your Resolutions

HAPPY 2012 EVERYONE!!!

Are you someone that makes New Year's Resolutions?  About 45% of Americans will make New Year's Resolutions in 2012.  Unfortunately, about half of us that do will give up after the month of January.  It seems as though we need some help.

Here are 4 simple tips to increase your chances of keeping your New Year's Resolutions this year.  The #1 New Year's Resolution almost every year is to lose weight so it will our example.  But you could substitute nearly any goal or resolution.

#1) Find a Reason:  You don't really want to lose weight.  A number on a scale doesn't mean anything. The real reason you want to lose weight is because you want to fit back into your old jeans.  You want to be able to play with your kids or grandkids.  You want to feel better and have more energy.  You want to have more self confidence in what you wear.  If you can't do these things (or whatever your reason) losing weight doesn't really matter.

#2) Be Specific:  The resolution "Lose Weight" is great in theory.  But what does that mean?  Lose one pound before 2013?  For better success, decide how much weight you would like to lose and break it down into smaller increments.  Then determine how much weight you need to lose each month and each week for that to happen.  For example, lets say you want to lose 25 lbs.  This sounds tough.  But break it down into smaller increments and you need to lose 2 pounds each month, which is only  .5 lbs each week.  You can totally do that. 

#3) Develop a Plan: If losing weight was easy, it wouldn't be the #1 New Year's Resolution.  It's not just going to happen.  You're going to have to make it happen.  The two best ways to lose weight are to exercise and eat healthy.  Let's use tip #2 and break those down.
Exercise - When can I fit exercise into my day?  How long will my workouts be?  Will I join a gym, do an exercise program, or create my own plan?  How many times each week will I work out?  Who will I exercise with?  What is my plan B or how am I going to exercise if the gym is closed, the car breaks down, I oversleep, or I get snowed in?
Eat Healthy - What food/drink am I going to cut back on?  What foods/drinks will I eat more of?  What foods/drinks will I have on hand if I need a snack?  Who is going to help hold me accountable to eat/drink healthier?

#4) Reevaluate Often: Obviously you're not going to wait until 2013 to see if you met your goal.  Check your progress at least once each month and see what changes you need to make.  Are you ahead of schedule?  Great!  Keep up the good work!  Are you behind schedule?  What do you need to tweak to be more successful?

These 4 tips are not foolproof but I must say they have worked for me.  I'll be sharing some of my goals for 2012 soon.


What helps you keep your New Year's Resolutions?

The One Year Rule

There is something special about a new year.  It's a great time to set goals, make adjustments, and start fresh.  One of the best ways to start the new year is by decluttering. 

Decluttering is a made up word that simply means getting rid of things you don't need.  As Americans that live in a consumer driven society, we have a huge problem with cluttering our lives with stuff.  Popular TV shows like Hoarders, American Pickers, Storage Wars, and Auction Hunters are perfect examples of how we Americans like to collect stuff.  

Having moved 5 times in the last 6 years, my wife and I have grown to hate clutter.  The more we move, the more stuff we get rid of.  After a while, you get tired of moving stuff you don't use on a regular basis. So we decided to implement the 1 year rule.

The 1 year rule simply states that if something did not get used in the past year, get rid of it.  Obviously you do not need it, or you would have used it sometime within the year.  

This goes with clothes, shoes, purses, accessories, gadgets, kitchenware, food, and toys anything else you did not use this past year.  If you did not wear it, use it, eat it, or play with it for the past 365 days, let someone else get some use out of it.

What do I do with the stuff I didn't use this year and don't need anymore?  You have 3 options:

Give it away.  Goodwill, Salvation Army, local churches, donation boxes, or even giving to friends and family.  The goals isn't to waste stuff.  It is to put it to good use, something you are not doing because you are using something else.  Often times you can get an itemized deduction on your taxes if you so desire. 

Sell it.  Have a garage sale, put it on Craigslist or Ebay, or take it to your local consignment shop.  Use the money to take a mini vacation, pay off debt, set up a savings account, or give to your favorite charity or organization.  Don't use it to buy more stuff!!

Trash it!  Let's be honest.  Some stuff you just need to throw away.  Nobody wants the underwear and socks from the back of the drawer or the broken item that you haven't gotten around to fixing.  Do yourself a favor and just throw it away.

New Years is a great time to declutter.  You have to make room in your closet, kitchen, and garage for the new stuff you got for Christmas.  As you do, quickly go through each space and set aside each item that did not get used this past year.

Save Time - You'll have to go through less stuff to find what you're looking for.

Save/Make Money - You'll make money if you decide to sell some stuff.  You'll save money if you sell enough stuff to get rid of your storage unit.

Feel Better - From my experience, there is something freeing about getting rid of stuff you don't need. It makes me feel less reliant on stuff and makes me feel less claustrophobic.

There really isn't a downside.

What are you waiting on?  Start decluttering!

*(There are always some exceptions such as lawn & garden equipment, tools, family heirlooms, and collectors items that gain value over time.  But don't make too many exceptions.)*

10 Ways to Tell People You're Pregnant

In case you haven't heard, my wife and I are having a baby!  Here are a few ways we shared our good news!!

I requested that we tell my parents first since I am an only child and this would be there first grandchild.  Katy's parents already have 3 grandchildren and another on the way (ours will be #5). We wanted to share our news in a cool way, you know other than just saying, "Hey guess what, we're having a baby."  We only had 24 hours to figure it out because we were leaving for Thanksgiving.  So...

1.  Katy bought two shirts from the SNU bookstore for my parents that say "SNU Grandparent" on the front.  We were just going to give it to them as a gift, but instead we decided it would be more fun to wear the shirts.  So we put them on and walked into the room and said "We got these cool shirts the other day and thought you might like them."  They were definitely excited.  They said, "Like, for real?  Are you for real!?" As if we would play a joke like that. 

Here are some of the other ways we shared our good news.

2.  Katy made a card that was made out to the baby of some of our friends.  The inside of the card read:
Will you be my friend?  
[] Yes [] No
Love, Baby Bradley

3. We meet with our small group from church every Sunday night.  One Sunday night I prayed before our meal.  "Dear God thank you for this day....bless this food to nourish our bodies...especially Katy's body as she has a baby growing inside of her...and prepare our hearts as we become parents....Amen!

4.  One of my best friends is an insurance agent for State Farm.  I told him I would need to set up a new policy and maybe a 529 College Fund.

5.  This wasn't planned but it worked out great.  Katy went down to visit her sister because she just had a baby.  Her mom, sisters, and grandparents were there visiting as well.  Katy's 4 year old niece got a Dr. kit with scrubs, band-aids, a stethoscope, etc for her birthday from her aunt (Katy's sister Emily) that is a P.A.  Brenna (Katy's niece) was using the stethoscope, checking everyone's heartbeat.  When she got to Katy, she moved the stethoscope to Katy's stomach.  Katy asked her if she could hear a heartbeat?   She said yes.  She asked if she could hear two?  She said yes.  Katy asked her what does that mean?  Brenna said, "That there's a baby in there?"

6.  One of our friends absolutely LOVES his birthday.  So we went to his house and sang some birthday carols.  We sang "We wish you a merry birthday" and we also sang the birthday song and said "happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday Uncle Chad & Aunt Kendall, happy birthday to you.

7.  Katy's work has an annual Christmas party with a "Dirty Santa" gift exchange.  One of Katy's coworkers purposely brought a baby book.  Someone opened it and thought it random that someone bought a baby book.  When it was Katy's turn, she stole the baby book and said "I'll take the baby book since I will be needing it in the near future."

8.  We got an ultrasound picture at our first Dr. appointment.  We included the picture in a Christmas card and gave it to my Grandma.  The card simply said Merry Christmas!  Love Brett, Katy, and Baby Bradley.  My Grandma was pretty excited.

9.  We took this picture to put on facebook and Twitter.  The shoes are the ones we wore for our wedding that have our wedding date on the back.  We both love tennis shoes and thought it only appropriate that the first baby item we bought were little tennis shoes.  My sister-in-law is a talented graphic designer and added the approximate due date to the back of the baby shoes.  The baby is due to arrive the week of our 5 year anniversary.

10.  Quite possibly the best baby announcement I've seen was by our good friends The Meisners.  Check out their creative video announcement here. 

What cool ways have you heard people spread their news?

Spreading The News

So we (and by we I mean Katy) "passed" the pregnancy test.  After we came to our senses, we realized that we were going to have to tell people.  I thought this would be easy, but apparently it is pretty complex....or at least it seems that way when your wife knows half of the universe. 

Then there is the whole "in person" dilemma.  Who must be told in person?  Who can be told over the phone?  Who can be told via text message?  Who can be told on facebook and Twitter?  Is there an order between individual friends, my work, Katy's work, Sunday school class, church friends, grandparents and extended family?   I'm not sure the proper order and personally I don't know that it matters as long as you tell your parents/immediate family.  But there are some people that get offended if someone finds out before them, making them feel less important or something.  Don't spend your time worrying about those people.  Whichever order you decide, with facebook and twitter, you better be ready for the world to know if you tell someone outside of your circle of close friends and family.

It is also complex because of the chance of miscarriage.  We have plenty of friends who have gone through this devastation and unfortunately know it is pretty common.  Our perspective was we had 2 choices: 1) Tell people somewhat early so they can be praying for us throughout the process or 2) Wait a little longer until the chance of miscarriage decreases to avoid having to tell everyone that we had a miscarriage. 

We chose option #1.  We told our closest friends and family between 6-8 weeks and shared it with the world on facebook & Twitter after our first appointment at 10 weeks.  Thinking worst case scenario for a moment, we decided it would be better to tell people and ask for their prayers and if something were to happen, people would know and continue praying for us.  If we went with #2, people would continue to ask, "When are you going to have a baby?" and we would have to either pretend nothing happened and hide our hurt or eventually tell them anyway.  It is a tough decision and one that is different for each family.  I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

My next post will be about how we told our parents, friends, family, coworkers, and the rest of the world.  Thanks again for your continued prayers for the health of Katy and Baby Bradley. :)

THE TEST

My wife is usually on time.  Whether its being on time for work, dinner, or an event (especially weddings), she lives by the "If you're on time you're late, if you're early you're on time" mantra.  Well a couple of months ago my wife was not on time, if you know what I mean.  We make an extra effort to communicate well so she told me.  I didn't think anything about her not being on time the first day, the second day, or even the third day.  But on the fourth day I started to think it could be true. 

We previously agreed to "take" the pregnancy test together so we could share the experience of finding out together.  This was my idea because although finding out you're having a child can be exciting, it is a pretty big surprise and can be overwhelming.  Typically, the wife has had time to process things in her mind and by the time she tells her husband she is less overwhelmed and more excited.  Then she tells her husband, expecting him to be equally excited as she is but like her, he begins in the overwhelmed stage.  She thinks he isn't excited and the pregnant tears start to fall.  Just kidding, but seriously it happens all the time.

In an effort to prolong the inevitable, we procrastinated in taking the test.  I guess you could say we were studying.  We waited a couple of weeks and then randomly decided to stop and pick up a pregnancy test from CVS.  We didn't go to our neighborhood store because we didn't want to see anyone we knew and take the risk of a rumor flying around on facebook.  By the way, buying a pregnancy test is somewhat awkward.  You try to do it nonchalantly because if people see you with it, you think they picture you having sex. Katy made sure to keep her wedding ring in plain sight at all times and asked me to do the same. 

When we got home, we were incredibly nervous.  We were laughing, pacing, reading directions and asking questions to each other (as if we knew the answers) about how it was going to work.  We decided that after Katy took the test (aka peed on it) we would cover it up so that we could find out at the exact same time.  Katy peed on the test.  (The teacher in me finds it odd to say this.)  Now we were even more nervous.  We sat down on the bed, hugged, and prayed.  We thanked God for the past 4 years of marriage and prayed for many more to come.  We prayed that regardless of what the "test" said, we would thank God for the blessings in our life and trust his perfect timing for our lives and our family.   

We said Amen, took a deep breath, and walked over to the bathroom counter.  We took a deep breath again, held hands, and pulled the wrapper off of the test.  And there you have it.  We passed. 

We smiled.  We hugged.  We continued to laugh and pace nervously.  We checked the directions a few more times just to make sure it was true.

Are we sure the test was accurate?  Should we take another one just to be sure?  When do we go to the doctor?  When do we tell people?  How do we tell people?  When is the date?  Is it a boy or a girl?  What will we name him/her?....

I'll be sharing the answers to these questions and the rest of this adventure here on the blog.  We sure would appreciate your prayers. :)

The Secret to Making Friends

You learn something new everyday.  Here is what I learned today from my friend Reece.
She is 8 years old.

The setting is a large dinner for all the faculty and staff of a small university where my wife works.  Reece is the daughter of one of our friends and she decided that she wanted to sit at our table.  The dinner was self serve buffet style so when the MC said go, hundreds of people got in line for food.  While waiting, I met some new people at our table and we made small talk for about 20 minutes. 

Here is the profound conversation that Katy and I had with Reece when we returned to the table: 

Reece:  I made a new friend!

Me: You did?  Where did you meet them?

Reece:  In line.

Me:  What was their name?

Reece:  I don't know.

Katy:  What did you talk about?

Reece: About how the line was long and how we wanted it to go faster.

Katy:  Did you come up with ways to make it go faster?

Reece:  Yeah, but I don't remember what we said.

Do you remember those days?  The days when all you needed was one thing in common with someone and they instantly became your friend?  Even if that one thing was wishing the line would go faster?  That's it!  That's the secret!  Find one thing you have in common with someone and that is the beginning of a great friendship. 

Working in education at the middle school, high school, and college levels, I can tell you that this is usually the opposite of what happens.  Friendships can end or never even start because of one thing that you DON'T have in common with someone.

At what age do we unlearn this secret to making friends?  When do we start looking at differences rather than similarities? 

Why am I so stingy with who I call my friend?  I consider myself to be a friendly person, however, I wouldn't consider the people that I met and talked to for 20 minutes my friends...and I even remember their names!

Thank you Reece, and all of the other elementary kids out there, for setting a great example and reminding me of the secret to making friends.