Editing Life

In his new book, START, Jon Acuff references 5 stages of adult life.

1. Learning (20s)

2. Editing (30s)

3. Mastering (40s)

4. Harvesting (50s)

5. Guiding (60s)

Although the age groups of these stages are not true for everyone, so far it has been true for my life.  I took my 20s head on and although I will never stop learning, have taken advantage of as many opportunities as possible.  Other than graduating from college and getting a job, I took advantage of nearly every opportunity to get more involved in my school, school district, church, and other personal endeavors.  I worked multiple jobs, developed an incredible network of friends, experienced a lot of really cool stuff, and of course Katy and I welcomed a baby boy into our family.

Well I only have a few days left in my 20s as my 30th birthday is right around the corner.  After this past "crazy season" it is time to do some editing.  How do I know its time?  Because I've had something on my schedule every single evening for the last 9 days.  That doesn't include my day job or being a husband or father!  

So I have begun the editing process.  I'm creating a list of everything I am involved in, all of the roles I play and all of the hats I wear.  There are a lot of good things on this list and I hate to bow out and say no as they are all for a good cause.  But I'm learning that sometimes you have to say no to lot of good things in order to say yes to the best things like leading my wife and young son.

As I've done some editing, I've already taken off 5 hats.  And with each hat that comes off and with each good role I give up, that is extra time I will be able to spend with my family.

Editing your life is an incredibly reflective process and I have learned so much about myself and my priorities.  I still have a long way to go as I have only begun.  Just to be clear, if I could do these things all over again, I probably would.  In fact, I am encouraging others to take my spot.  However, in this particular stage of life, its best to let someone else enjoy these good things while I take advantage and enjoy the best things. 

The Best Things!

What stage are you in?  Do you need to do some editing?  Do you need to give up some good things to have more time for great things?

Love Is Patient

This is the second post in a series of blogs based on 1 Corinthians Chapter 13.  It is based on the premise that love never fails but we do.  The good news is that we are given a list of best practices on how to love so that we stop giving love a bad name.

"Love is patient, love is kind."

Are you patient?  When your husband gets home late from work or your wife is late getting dressed and ready do you display patience or annoyance?  When you are trying to teach your kids to be potty-trained, how to behave, or how to speak respectfully do you do so with patience or frustration?  When the line is long at Wal-Mart because the cashier is waiting on a price check, when traffic on I-35 is backed up because some selfish numskull decides to wait until the last minute to merge right even though there have been warning signs for miles, or when your students keep asking you the same questions even though you have already explained the instructions dozens of times, are you patient?

If not, that isn't love because love is patient.  Not only do our actions have to show it but our facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice must reflect that of patience in order to truly display love.

You might be thinking to yourself, I'm not trying to love the cashier at Wal-Mart or the crazy drivers on the constant work zone known as I-35.  I'm not going to play the Golden Rule card here but I will say that practice makes perfect.  The more opportunities you get to display patience, the more patient you will become and can be to those you love.

Kindness falls right in line with patience.  Chances are if you are patient you are also kind.  Inversely, unkind people are typically impatient people.  Kindness and patience go hand in hand and like patience, kindness shows up in facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.  Again, if you aren't displaying patience or kindness then you aren't displaying love.  You are failing in love and love is getting a bad name.

Here are a few tips that have helped me become more patient.  *Disclaimer:  These tips only work if you actually try them.

1. Ask multiple close friends, family, and co-workers if people would consider you to be an impatient person.  (If you don't like their answer, use this as an opportunity to display patience.)

2. Pray and ask God for opportunities to practice being patient.  (You will get plenty of them.)

3. When sensing the urge to become impatient, think of something that this situation is making possible.      Example...Traffic can mean more quality time with family, ability to make some phone calls (hands free of course), time to jam out to some tunes or enjoy an audiobook.

4. Ask your friends, family, or co-workers to kindly tell you when you are becoming impatient so you can develop new habits.

5. Enjoy some quiet with no distractions.  Practice patience for 10 minutes on your porch, in your car at lunch, or in your favorite chair without technology, people, or other distractions.

6.  Comment on others when you see them displaying patience to remind you of the habit you want to develop.

Love never fails...we do.  We cannot truly and correctly love if we choose not to be patient.  The only way for us to get better at loving is by practicing love and all of its characteristics.  Practice patience and begin to thrive in the area of love.

If this post challenged you in the area of patience or you think it would be helpful for someone else to read, please like it or share it on facebook or retweet on Twitter.  Thanks!

How have you learned to grow in the areas of patience and kindness?

Love Never Fails

This is one of the most popular scriptures in the Bible. I think people like it because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.  All or parts of this scripture can be heard in wedding ceremonies, seen in home decor, found all over Pinterest, and even tattooed on some folks.  

Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor other, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I hate to be the one that brings this up but love fails all the time.  Just ask nearly half of the people that hear that scripture at their wedding only to end up in divorce.  Ask anyone that has experienced heartbreak for one reason or another and they will certainly tell you that love does in fact fail.  Find anyone that is lonely, depressed, unforgiven, outcast, or oppressed and ask them if love ever fails.  I can speak from past experience of not being able to eat or sleep because love failed.

So what's the problem?  If the Bible says that love never fails and the Beatles say that all you need is love then how does love keep messing up?

Well, it doesn't.  Love doesn't mess up.  We do.  Love can't be right or wrong as it has no ability to make decisions.  Just like Bon Jovi said, "you (and I) give love a bad name."  Love isn't impatient, unkind, envious, boastful, dishonoring, or selfish.  But you and I can be.  Love doesn't get mad easily, keep record of wrongs, or delight in evil.  But you and I can do those things without even thinking about it due to our human nature.  In this case, it would be appropriate to be mad at the messenger because the message of love has never changed.

We need to stop putting the blame on love and start taking responsibility for our actions.  In the paraphrased words of Clint Black, "Love isn't something that we're in or a place that we fall.  Love is something that we do."  You "fell" in love because you put forth effort to pursue your mate.  You "fell" out of love because the newness wore off and you stopped pursuing them and made efforts elsewhere.   Love is simply an innocent bystander.

Well if love is something that we do, then how do we do it?  That is a great question and the answer can be found right there in the scripture.  Scroll back up and read it again.

In an attempt to help husbands, wives, friends, and families better love each other I would like to write a series of posts with some practical ways to display love based on the biblical principles in 1 Corinthians 13.  If you find it helpful, please like it on Facebook, retweet it on Twitter, or share it however you like.

Love never fails...we do!

6 Thoughts On Being A New Dad

Today is Beau Bradley's 3 month birthday!  What an amazing adventure it has been so far.  He has nearly doubled his weight, gone through over 1,300 diapers (seriously...we are keeping track), peed and pooped all over multiple people (sorry about that), grown out of dozens of clothes, found his hands, rolled over, cried himself to sleep, figured out how to talk (aka make random noises), and smiles at anyone who will talk to him.  I must admit that it's been much more enjoyable than I expected.

People often ask me what I think about being a Dad.  It is one of those questions that I have so many answers to that I often don't know which one to pick, causing me to simply answer, "Its good."  So let me pick a few.

Here are 6 answers to the question, "Hey Brett, what it's like being a Dad?"

1. I'm enjoying it earlier than I expected.  Don't get me wrong, I knew I would enjoy fatherhood but I didn't think I really would until Beau was able to walk and talk.  To my surprise, we have already learned how to communicate with each other and even though we can't run around and play catch we still have fun and play together everyday.  (Mostly just making faces and noises, rolling around on my chest, playing tug of war, and trying to make him laugh.)

2. It's expensive.  After you get past the hospital bills, you pretty much get nickeled and dimed (and sometimes "Benjamined") on a weekly basis.  Diapers, wipes, bottles, clothes, safety stuff, and toys add up very quickly.  Formula is ridiculously expensive!  When it comes to minor medical supplies just know that if its for a baby its probably double the price for less than half of the product.  Borrow, share, and use hand me downs as much as you can!

3. It's exhausting.  When I am home alone with Beau I thought I would be able to just sit him next to me while I read or do some work on my computer.  Wrong!  I've learned even 3 month old babies rarely just sit there and do nothing.  And in the moments that they do, you have to clean and fill the bottles, take out the never ending trash, restock diapers and wipes, or just sit and take a break!  Not to mention all the other stuff that my wife does like the laundry, food production, cleaning, and countless things that I don't even know about.  Being a parent is a constant job and I'm so thankful for the greatest tag-team partner in my wife Katy.

4. It has caused me to reevaluate and re-prioritize.   There are so many things that I used to do that I don't do anymore.  For example, I was pretty social media savvy using facebook and Twitter on the regular.  I may go days or even weeks without checking them, other than to post a picture for my family to see.  It has caused me to put things at work into perspective and truly ask myself what I think should be the best use of my time.  This is an ongoing process and I have just begun.

5. I am now able to experience love in a whole new way.  That statement is somewhat self explanatory but I'll elaborate on this more in a future post.

6. Five years of marriage was the right amount of time to wait before having a baby.  I'm not trying to persuade you to make certain decisions but for Katy and I, 5 years was the perfect amount of time.  We were able to build a solid family foundation consisting of faith, love, trust, memories, experiences, finances, and support systems.  Would we have been able to make it if we had a baby sooner?  I'm sure we would have made it.  If we would have waited a few more years I'm sure that would have been just fine too.  But 5 years (almost to the day) is what we needed for our family.  You and your family may ideally require more or less time than that.

Happy 3 month Birthday Beau Bradley!  I'm excited for the months, years, decades, and even seconds to come!

How did you feel when you became a new parent?

GET TO!

In the 6 weeks that I have been a father, there have been a couple of days that Beau has be my solely my responsibility.  One time Katy had a staph infection and another time she had a nasty stomach bug and we wanted to do everything in our power to make sure neither spread to our newborn son.  At first I would have said that I HAD to do everything but after experiencing those days I would say that I GOT to do everything.

On those days I was responsible for every diaper change, feeding, bottle washing, bath time, nap time, wardrobe change, and so much more that I don't even remember because it was such a blur.  Dads usually don't have this opportunity quite so early on.  Then throw on top of that the household chores such as laundry, dishes, cleaning, and cooking and you could say I caught a glimpse into the realm of motherhood and now have a greater understanding and appreciation of the constant care that goes into raising a newborn child.  

The reason I say I GOT to do those things is I was also there for every smile, coo, snuggle, funny face, new sound, crawling attempt, and so much more that I would not have missed for the world! Although I never would have picked these few days of flying solo, I am completely beyond blessed to have experienced them.  More than anything, it made me realize the importance of working together as a team on this parenting thing.  I refuse to passively leave it up to her like so many fathers do these days.

Dads, make the effort to find new ways to help your wife with the kids this week.  Any help will make a difference.  Teamwork makes the dream work!

5 Parts of a Great Date

How often do you and your wife go on a date?  With a typical busy American schedule these days I would guess not enough.  Well your schedule isn't going to open up anytime soon so you're going to need to schedule a date and quit waiting for an open evening.  If its been too long, here are the 5 simple steps to planning a date with your wife. 

1.  Research.  You must know your wife.  You have to know what she wants, likes, needs, etc.  Does she like surprises?  Does she need to know ahead of time?  Does she like to dress up or keep it casual?  Does she new experiences or old favorites?  These are all things that you need to learn, relearn, and continue to learn as you pursue her.  Research also includes date, time, childcare, transportation, cost, payment, etc...

2. The Ask. So you've decided on a cool, fun, romantic, date idea.  Great. Now take it to the next level by asking her on a date in a cool, unique, fun, romantic way.  Write a poem or a love note.  Make an invitation.  Leave a note on her mirror, drawer, or pillow.  Hand deliver a hand made card with a sonic drink at work.  Whatever it is, ask her in a way that you do not normally communicate. 

3. The Main Course.  Basically every date revolves around a meal.  This could be breakfast, lunch, or dinner.  Whatever works best for HER schedule. Saturday morning brunch can be just as romantic as Friday night dinner.  The main course also means meaningful conversation.  The best way to have meaningful conversation is to listen more than you talk.  The best way to listen more than you talk is by asking open ended questions.  Here are a few questions that I dare you to ask:  What do you like most about work?  What challenges are you facing at work?  How can I pray for you this week?  Has God been teaching you anything lately?  What are some ways that I can better serve you?  Who have been some spiritual mentors in your life?  What is one way you think I can improve as a father/husband?  As you can see, these questions are meaningful and you better be prepared for the answers.  Your goal is not to justify your actions but to gather information.  Take notes if you need to.

4.  The Activity. All dates should also include doing something other than eating.  The best is a walk in the park, lake, or scenic area.  It could be something she likes to do, has always wanted to do, or has talked about doing.  It should NOT be a movie, play, or other form of entertainment that doesn't allow talking unless you do something after. 

5. The End. The end of the date is equally as important as the beginning.  Recap how you liked spending quality time with her and specifically what you enjoyed about the date.  Take a moment to ask her out again and schedule another date within the next 2 weeks so you will have something to look forward to.  If you want to improve your marriage you are going to have to actively pursue your wife!!!



Whatever you decide to do, Be intentional.  Your date does not have to be fancy or cost a lot of money but it does need to be well thought out.  It is perfectly acceptable to be cheesy.  Ask her in a love note or poem.  Plan a 3 course meal at 3 different locations.  Make her an invitation.  Go on a picnic.  Have a theme.  Whatever it is, it can't be what you normally do.

There are billions of ideas online by simply googling date night ideas but the best ones are the ones that you create. 

Here is a link to a short article about how to talk to your wife on a date. Questions for your wife. 

The time you normally spend on Facebook, checking box scores, reading the news, playing Solitaire or Temple Run, or however your normally waste those short moments of down time, needs to be spent figuring out how you're going to sweep her off of her feet.

40 Days Without

My wife and I went 40 days without TV.  We gave up watching TV for Lent, the time between Ash Wednesday & Easter.  (It's not exactly 40 days but its close.)  I would like to tell you that it was miserable but that simply is not true.

We missed the reruns of our favorite crime shows, college kids playing in a basketball tournament, a golf tournament where the winner gets a jacket, some people singing and dancing while others critique them, and OKC Thunder basketball.  For some reason these shows seemed more important while I was watching them.  We were late on some national news such as the Travon Martin tragedy, a shooting on a college campus, and other disheartening information.  We were made aware of these things via Twitter & Facebook.

I knew what we would miss but did not expect what we would gain.  We had deeper conversations than we have ever had.  We got out of the house and exercised more.  We gained knowledge as we read more.  We gained rest as we slept more. We gained the ability to sit in awkward silence until it is no longer awkward.  

I am shocked at how much more we were able to accomplish and experience by simply not watching TV.  It's been 3 weeks since our TV fast and I think we have turned it on maybe 5 times, all for specific purposes.

Based on our positive experience, I would recommend that you begin to limit the amount of TV that you watch. The problem with TV is that it allows us to focus more on the realities and stories of fictional people that we don't take the time to develop our own reality and our own stories.  Or if you play video games, we spend more time fighting fake zombies and virtual terrorists than we do fighting against real life evil. 

Here are 2 recommendations to limit the amount of TV you watch.

1.  Fast an hour each day.  Determine that from 7-8 (or whatever time) that you will keep the TV off.
2.  Fast 1 day each week.  Decide that every Monday (or whatever day) that you will keep the TV off.

Try one or both of these and I think you'll be surprised with the results.  

Go Away!

My Baby Momma :)

As of this week Katy has been with child for 17 weeks.  Either her nausea is improving or she is learning to deal with it better.  Probably a little bit of both.  She is beginning to show in most of her clothes.  The more she begins to show, the more I am beginning to understand the reality of what is about to happen.

We are in the stage of our life where lots of our friends and family are having children.  In fact, within the past year, over 10 of our closest friends and family have had or will have a baby!  That is absurd.  Thankfully, we are able to ask them questions, observe, learn, and figure out how to best enjoy the next 5 months before Baby Bradley makes his/her grand entrance.  Most of the time, without even having to ask, new parents will tell you, "Enjoy your time while you can because once your baby arrives you don't have any more free time for the two of you."  Now I like challenges so I'm all about trying to figure out ways to have free time once our child arrives.  But for now, we are taking their collective advice and enjoying our time together while we can.  

Over the next few months, I have planned a few trips for Katy and I.  They are not outlandish, expensive, fancy, or even long.  The purpose of these trips is to get away, relax, make memories, and simply spend time together.  We are currently in Hot Springs, AR and have barely left our room.  We have been reading, playing games, working a puzzle, talking about our future, listening to parenting podcasts, walking around in nature, exploring downtown, drinking the famous spring water, etc.  Just enjoying our time together.  

Some might think, "I can do all of those things at home.  Why spend the gas and room money?"  Valid question.  I can only answer for us, but when we are at home there is always something else that we can do to keep us from fully enjoying our time together such as laundry, cleaning, home improvement, work, etc.  Although it is possible to relax at home, there is something extra-relaxing about getting away.  It doesn't have to be a beach, a mountain, a major city, or a cruise.  It doesn't have to be expensive (comparatively speaking...we brought our own food, entertainment, and only brought sweats, t-shirts, and hoodies to deter us from going to nice places).  The only requirement is to be away from distractions.  

As I said earlier, the more Katy's "baby bump" begins to show, the more I realize what is about to unfold.  As an expecting father, there isn't much I can do to directly help develop my child at this point.   What I can do is serve Katy by providing opportunities for us to deepen our relationship and strengthen our marriage so that when our world is turned upside down our foundation is extremely solid and we are as prepared as possible.  Husbands, as the leader of your family, purposely save up some money, strategically take a few days off, and make it a priority to get away with your wife to deepen your relationship and strengthen your marriage.

Although we haven't had a baby to be able to officially give the advice to others, after 2 nights I must say that this was an extremely wonderful decision.  Thank you to everyone who gave the advice of enjoying time together as a couple while we still can...or at least while it's easier.